Oprah Winfrey Jokes

Oprah Winfrey says she will try to make the Oprah Winfrey Network "allthat I know it can be." Unfortunately for Oprah, the Food Network hasalready been created.

By 2011, Oprah will have been talking virtually non-stop for 25 years--a record surpassed only by Joe Biden.

Bill Clinton will campaign for his wife today in South Carolina - a move that could keep Hillary in the headlines in the midst of Oprah Winfrey's mega-visit to the state to stump for Barack Obama tomorrow.

Not to be outdone, Dennis Kucinich will be the keynote speaker at the UFO convention in Roswell, NM.

Ice Cube is the latest rap star to complain that Oprah won't book him on her show. "Oprah's got a problem with hip hop," said a baffled Ice Cube, while working on a new CD. "Now if you'll excuse me, I gotta figure out what rhymes with'pussy-rape.'"

I don't know if you saw Oprah a few days ago, but the winners of the "Young People Write an Essay About the Holocaust Contest" were announced. Fifty young people from around the country were selected to appear on Oprah's show and read portions of their essays, then watch Oprah cry with a real-life Holocaust survivor. Why do I think the contest was rigged? It's because my essay was not chosen, even though I am a young person and, like Oprah, I totally believe in angels.

Luckily, I have a forum for my essay (Which my angels helped me write, by the way.) on Daily Comedy. Here it is. I think that after reading it you will agree that my holocaust essay's not being chosen is the biggest travesty in history since the holocaust.
Oprah is Better Than Hitler
An Essay by Kurt Metzger and Angels

Hi, my name is Kurt and I hate the holocaust. It was totally not cool. If I ever had the chance to meet Hitler, I would tell him that he is a jerk and his mustache did more...