Packet Jokes / Recent Jokes

Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as
possible. These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods

On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)
On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)
On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)
On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's' just' a suggestion!)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)
(Whose body?)
On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive more...

ON A HAIR DRYER:
Do not use while sleeping.ON A BAG OF FRITOS:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.ON A BAR OF DIAL SOAP:
Directions: Use like regular soap.ON A FROZEN DINNER:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.ON A HOTEL-PROVIDED SHOWER CAP:
Fits one head.ON TESCO'S TIRAMISU DESERT:
Do not turn upside down. (Printed on the bottom of the box.)ON MARKS & SPENCER BREAD PUDDING:
Product will be hot after heating.ON PACKAGING FOR A ROWENTA IRON:
Do not iron clothes on body.ON BOOTS CHILDRENS' COUGH MEDICINE:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.ON NYTOL (A SLEEP AID):
Warning: may cause drowsiness.ON A KOREAN KITCHEN KNIFE:
Warning keep out of children.ON A STRING OF CHINESE MADE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS:
For indoor or outdoor use only.ON A JAPANESE FOOD PROCESSOR:
Not to be used for the other use.ON SAINSBURY'S PEANUTS:
Warning: contains nuts.ON AN AMERICAN AIRLINES PACKET OF NUTS:
Instructions: open packet, eat more...

On a hairdryer:
'Do not use while sleeping.'
On a bag of chips:
'You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.'
On a bar of soap:
'Directions: use like regular soap.'
On some frozen dinners:
'Serving suggestion: defrost.'
On a hotel-provided shower cap in a box:
'Fits one head.'
On packaged Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box):
'Do not turn upside down.'
On packaged Bread Pudding:
'Product will be hot after heating.'
On packaging for an iron:
'Do not iron clothes on body.'
On children's cough medicine:
'Do not drive car or operate machinery.'
On sleep aid:
'Warning: may cause drowsiness.'
On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights:
'For indoor or outdoor use only.'
On peanuts:
'Warning: contains nuts.'
On a packet of nuts:
'Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.'
On a Swedish chainsaw:
'Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.'
On more...

These are actual instruction labels on
consumer goods:
On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)
On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)
On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)
On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's' just' a suggestion!)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)
(Whose body?)
On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the more...

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report!
If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
And the double-clicking icons put your window in the trash,
And your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash,
Then your situation's hopeless, and your system's gonna crash!
If the label on your cable on the gable at your house,
Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
But your packets want to tunnel to another protocol,
That's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall.
And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss,
So your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse,
Then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
'Cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!
When the copy of your floppy's getting more...

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, And the bus is interrupted as very last resort, And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report. If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, And the double-clicking Icons put your window in the trash, And your data is corrupted' cause the index doesn't hash, Then your situation's hopeless, and your system's gonna crash. If the label on your cable on the gable at your house, Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse, But your packets want to tunnel to another protocol, That's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall. And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss, So your icons in the window are a wavy as a souse, Then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,' Cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang! When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on this disk And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary more...

Want proof humans are doomed by their stupidity? Well, here's some actual label instructions found on various consumer goods:
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.
On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap.
On Swan frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost. (Hey, it's Only a suggestion...)
On a Tesco dessert (printed on bottom of box): Do not turn upside-down.
On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (an open invitation to shoplifters...)
On Marks & Spencer bread pudding: Product will be hot after heating.
On packaging for an Iron (Rowenta): Do not iron clothes on body.
On Boots Children's cough medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
On Nytol sleep aid: 'Warning: May cause drowsiness.'
On Sainsbury peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts."
On an American Airlines packet of peanuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat more...