Packet Jokes / Recent Jokes

These are a few actual instructions or warnings found on various consumer products. What were the manufacturers thinking or, better yet, were they?
- On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
- On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine:
Do not drive or operate machinery.
- On Nytol (a sleep aid):
Warning: May cause drowsiness.
- On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
- On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.
- On packaging for a Rowenta Iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
- On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: Keep out of children.
- On Tesco's Tiramisu desert:
Do not turn upside down. (Printed on the bottom of the box.)
- On a Japanese food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
- On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
- On Sainsbury's Peanuts:
Warning: Contains more...

Udurawana rushed back angrily to the grocery shop from where he had purchased a packet of butter a few minutes ago.
"Where is my free gift?" he shouted at the shopkeeper. "But
Sir, there is no free gift on the purchase of butter." The
shopkeeper answered politely.
"Don't fool me," replied udurawana, "it is clearly written
on the packet of the butter' Cholesterol free' but you gave me only butter".

Here's an easy game to play.
Here's an easy thing to say.
If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort.
And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report!
If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
And the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
And your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash,
Then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash!
You can't say this?
What a shame sir.
We'll find you
another game sir!
If the label on the cable on the table at your house,
Says the network is connected to the button on the mouse,
But your packets want to tunnel on another protocol,
That's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,
And your screen is all distorted by the side affects of Gauss,
So your icons in the windows are as wavy as a souse,
Then more...

These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods: On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!) On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special!) On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap. (and that would be how?) On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost. (But it's 'just' a suggestion!) On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box) Do not turn upside down. (Too late! you lose!) On Marks and Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating. (Are you sure? Let's experiment.) On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body. (But wouldn't that save more time?) (Whose body?) On Boot's Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery. (We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.) On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause more...

Here's an easy game to play.
Here's an easy thing to say:
If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report!
If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
And the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
And your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash,
Then your situation's hopeless, and your system's gonna crash!
You can't say this?
What a shame sir!
We'll find you
Another game sir.
If the label on the cable on the table at your house,
Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
But your packets want to tunnel on another protocol,
That's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,
And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss
So your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse,
Then more...

One Day Dumbo Went To A Store And Asked For A Packet Of Butter. He Was Handed Over The Packet Which Had The Caption
"Cholesterol Free" Written On It. He Paid For The Butter And Was Handed Over The Butter. He Waited For Sometime. On Asking
Him What Else He Wanted, He Replied, "Don't Think I Will Get Fooled By You Shopkeepers, Please Hand Over The Cholesterol
Which The Company Is Giving Free With This Purchase. ”

*** ON TESCO'S TIRAMISU DESERT - Do not turn upside down. (Printed on the bottom of the box.)*** ON MARKS & SPENCER BREAD PUDDING - Product will be hot after heating*** ON PACKAGING FOR A ROWENTA IRON - Do not iron clothes on body*** ON BOOTS CHILDRENS COUGH MEDICINE - Do not drive car or operate machinery*** ON NYTOL (A SLEEP AID) - Warning: may cause drowsiness*** ON A KOREAN KITCHEN KNIFE - Warning keep out of children*** ON A STRING OF CHINESE MADE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS - For indoor or outdoor use only.*** ON A JAPANESE FOOD PROCESSOR - Not to be used for the other use*** ON SAINSBURY'S PEANUTS - Warning: contains nuts*** ON AN AMERICAN AIRLINES PACKET OF NUTS - Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.*** ON A SWEDISH CHAINSAW - Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands*** ON A PACKET OF SUNMAID RAISINS - Why not try tossing over your favorite breakfast cereal?