Paid Jokes / Recent Jokes
THERE WAS THIS FARMER THAT HAD 3 KIDS. THEY WERE 16, 10, AND 4. THE 16 YEAR OLD WALKED UP TO HIS DAD AND SAID,"DAD, I'M 16 NOW AND I THINK IT'S ABOUT TIME I GOT A CAR." HIS DAD SAID,"WE JUST GOT THAT JOHN DEERE TRACTOR OVER THERE, BUT WHEN WE GET IT PAID OFF WE'LL GET YOU A CAR." THE 10 YEAR OLD WALKED UP TO HIS DAD AND SAID,"DAD ALL MY FRIENDS HAVE GOT DIRT BIKES AND I THINK I'M GETTING OLD ENOUGH TO HAVE ONE TOO." HIS DAD SAID,"WELL, WHEN WE GET THAT TRACTOR PAID OFF WE'LL GET YOU ONE." NEXT THE 4 YEAR OLD WALKED UP AND SAID,"DAD I NEED A BIKE SO I CAN GO PLAY ON IT WITH MY FRIENDS BECAUSE THEY ALL ALREADY HAVE ONE." HIS DAD SAID,"WE HAVE GOT TO PAY THE TRACTOR OFF FIRST AND THEN WE'LL GET YOU ONE." THE 4 YEAR OLD SAID,"OK." THEN THE 4 YEAR OLD WENT OUT TO GET EGGS FROM THE CHICKEN HOUSE AND SAW A ROOSTER JUST FUCKING THE HELL OUT OF THIS OLD HEN. THE LITTLE BOY WENT UP AND KICKED THE ROOSTER OFF AND SAID,"BY more...
A blonde went to the emergency room with the tip of her left index finger blown off.
"How did this happen?" the doctor asked.
"Well I was trying to commit suicide," the blonde replied.
"Trying to commit suicide by shooting your finger?"
"No silly! First I put the gun to my chest and I thought, "I just paid $6,000 for these," then I put it in my mouth and I thought, "I just paid $4,000 to get my teeth straightened."
So then I put the gun in my ear and I thought, "this is going to make a loud noise," so I put my finger in my ear before I pulled the trigger?"
A blonde went to the emergency room with the tip of her left index finger blown off."How did this happen?" the doctor asked. "Well I was trying to commit suicide," the blonde replied."Trying to commit suicide by shooting your finger?""No silly! First I put the gun to my chest and I thought, "I just paid $6,000 for these," then I put it in my mouth and I thought, "I just paid $4,000 to get my teeth straightened."So then I put the gun in my ear and I thought, "this is going to make a loud noise," so I put my finger in my ear before I pulled the trigger?"
A Cardiologist came up with a new operating procedure that would cut down the time that heart surgery would take and would cause less trauma to the patient. He was praised by his peers when he presented it at a convention in Washington D. C. He was also paid $50, 000 to present his find. He did a couple more of these presentations and realized that it would be more lucrative to do lectures on his find than to work as a surgeon. So he decided to do the lectures full-time. He hired a driver and purchased a limousine.
One day, after he'd been doing the lecture circuit for about 6 months, his driver turns to him and says, "You know.... This is completely unfair."
"What do you mean?" asks the surgeon.
"Well, you get paid $50, 000 every time you do this lecture and that's more than I get paid in a year," replies the driver.
The surgeon explains to him that it is a very complicated procedure and that he is the only person that can give this more...
A widower who never paid any attention to his wife while she was alive now found himself missing her desperately. He went to a psychic to see if he could contact his late wife. The psychic went into a trance. A strange breeze wafted through the darkened room, and suddenly, the man heard the unmistakable voice of his dearly departed wife. "Honey!" he cried. "Is that you?" "Yes, my husband." "Are you happy?" "Yes, my husband." "Happier than you were with me?" "Yes, my husband." "Then Heaven must be an amazing place!" "I'm not in Heaven, dear."
According to a TV Guide poll, Charlie Sheen is the highest paid actor on prime time televison--earning $825,000 per episode. This means LA call girls are now the highest paid prostitutes in the counrtry--earning over $1,000 per "episode."
Q: Why do you get paid more at the Sperm Bank than at the Blood Bank?
A: Sperm is handmade.