Parody Jokes / Recent Jokes

deer santa: I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer. Yer Frend, BiLLy

Dear Billy, Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a frigging book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell! Santa

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Dear Santa, I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody! Love, Sarah

Dear Sarah, Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they? Santa

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Dear Santa, I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do. Love, Teddy

Dear Teddy, Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid, fat mom, who rides his ass more...

From me ("the Wishor") to you (hereinafter called the "Wishee"):

Please accept without obligation, implied or implicit, our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, politically correct, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion or secular practices of your choice with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all... and a financially successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2006, but with due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures or sects, and having regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform or dietary preference of the Wishee.

By accepting more...

Leave up the lid, Sid.

Throw his clothes on the lawn, Dawn.

Keep wetting the bed, Fred.

Stab her and a waiter after nightfall, Orenthal.

Send her to Capitol Hill, Bill.

Tell him you prefer your battery- operated toy, Joy.

Put on her teddy, Eddie.

Vote him off the show, Flo.

Throw a toaster in the tub, Bub.

Find another Cruz, Cruise.

Stop taking your Paxil, Axl.

Tell him you're really a man, Jan.

Tell her you're attracted to men, Ben.

Tell her about her odor, Fyodor.

Have an affair with an intern, Vern.

Call her a skank, Hank.

Dump her on "Springer," Klinger.

Marry her off to another wacko, Jacko.

Keep saying, "Dude, you're not gettin' a Dell!" Adele.

Dress like a girl, Merle.

Say she looks fat in those pants, Lance.

Tell her Ashcroft more...

What if Physicists wrote product disclaimers instead of lawyers?
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WARNING: This product warps space and time in its vicinity.

WARNING: This product attracts every other piece of matter in the universe, including the products of other manufacturers, with a force proportional to the product of the masses and inversely proportional to the distance between them.

CAUTION: The mass of this product contains the energy equivalent of 85 million tons of TNT per net ounce of weight.

HANDLE WITH EXTREME CARE: This product contains minute electrically charged particles moving at velocities in excess of five hundred million miles per hour.

CONSUMER NOTICE: Because of the "uncertainty principle," it is impossible for the consumer to find out at the same time both precisely where this product is and how fast it is moving.

ADVISORY: There is an extremely small but non-zero chance that, through a process more...

Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.

Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.

Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.

Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavoured mouthwash.

Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.

Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.

Circumvent (n.), the opening in the more...

WASHINGTON D.C. (Rooters) Incredibly, it now appears that over the last five years the White House actually issued these official knee-pads to all female interns between the ages of 18 and 29.

'It's something we haven't seen since the Kennedy Administration,' Landford Phlegm, official White House historian, said yesterday.' What a guy! It only proves he isn't in it to meet heads of state.'

But since the scandal broke, the White House has sought to rid itself of its surplus.' We had several hundred pair on hand,' one aide reported.' Enough to last until the year 2000. Well -- almost enough.'

1) Given:
CUTE PURPLE DINOSAUR

2) Change all U's to V's (which is proper Latin anyway):
CVTE PVRPLE DINOSAVR

3) Extract all Roman Numerals:
C V V L D I V

4) Convert into Arabic values:
100 5 5 50 500 1 5

5) Add all the numbers:
666

Thus, Barney is Satan.