Peasant Jokes / Recent Jokes
A TOUGH Haryanvi peasant swaggered into a restaurant and ordered for empty tumbler and a lemon. He asked everyone to look as he squeezed the lemon into the glass with his powerful hands. "If anyone here can get as much out of a lemon as I have I will give him five rupees."
A thin, bespectacled clerk accepted the challenge. With his frail hands he got more juice out of the lemon than the Haryanvi. "Wonderful!" exclaimed the Chaudhary, handing over the fiver, "but tell me how did you manage to squeeze out more than I?"
"I am from the income tax department," replied the little fellow.
A HARYANVI peasant being taken ill came to Delhi and was admitted to the All India Institute of Medical Sciences. Internee medical students came round in turns to examine him.
Being Bengalis, Tamils and Punjabis none of them could understand what the ailing Haryanvi was saying to them in his dialect.
Ultimately a Haryanvi lad working as a compounder in the hospital pharmacy came in, and asked, "Taoo, tainey kay hogaya (Uncle what's gone wrong with you)?"
The peasant beamed: "Rey chhoray, daktar to too sey, bakee to sab kampoder laagain sey (O boy, you must be the real doctor, those others appear to be compounders)."
Ivan the peasant promises Gorbachev that he will free Russia of its three greatest problems - alcoholism, the shortage of housing and church-going - in three days.
He managed to do all this. You ask how??? First, by allowing vodka to be freely bought and sold - alcoholics drank themselves to death.
Second, by opening the borders - those who remained had no problem finding a place to live.
And finally by putting a sign up on churches which said "HONOUR THE CENTRAL COMMITEE OF THE COMMUNIST PARTY OF THE SOVIET UNION" - and the people avoided churches
A haryanavi peasant came to the office of The Hindustan Times to place an advertisement announcing his father's death. "The rate is Rs. 360 per single col. cm," the clerk told him.
"Main to lut jaoonga - I' ll be ruined," exclaimed the haryanavi.
"My father was 182 cms tall."
A young peasant girl of fourteen went to work in a broom factory. After 2 months she gave the boss a two-week notice. The boss was quite unhappy to let her go since she was hard working, knew her tasks etc. He called her into his office, "But why?" he asked." Nothin, I just wanna quit that's all," she said sullenly." Look, I'll give you a raise." "No," she said"You can't just quit like that. There must be a reason. Tell me." "Okay if you must know..." said the girl, and she took off herunderwear and pointed to her pubic hair, "Look I haven't had this before, it's the broom's bristles, I tell you..."Tickled by her innocence, he too took off his underwear and showed his, and said, "Ha ha... my dear it's nature. Look I have it too...." "Oh no!" the girl cried, "I can't wait two weeks, I quit now! Not only do you have the bristles, but you've grown the handle as well."
"Dude, she just called you posh!" "OH, I BEG TO DIFFER! Jeffrey, hold my top hat whilst I beat that peasant with my rifle."
A young peasant girl of fourteen went to work in a broom factory. After 2 months she gave the boss a two-week notice. The boss was quite unhappy to let her go since she was hard working, knew her tasks etc. He called her into his office, "But why?" he asked."Nothin, I just wanna quit that's all," she said sullenly."Look, I'll give you a raise.""No," she said"You can't just quit like that. There must be a reason. Tell me.""Okay if you must know..." said the girl, and she took off herunderwear and pointed to her pubic hair, "Look I haven't had this before, it's the broom's bristles, I tell you..."Tickled by her innocence, he too took off his underwear and showed his, and said, "Ha ha...my dear it's nature. Look I have it too...." "Oh no!" the girl cried, "I can't wait two weeks, I quit now! Not only do you have the bristles, but you've grown the handle as well."