Peasant Jokes / Recent Jokes

The thinker.
After months of negotiation, Avraham, a Jewish scholar from Odessa, was granted permission to visit Moscow.
He boarded the train and sat down. At the next stop a young man got on and sat next to him. Avraham looked at the young man and thought, This fellow doesn`t look like a peasant, and if he isn`t a peasant he probably comes from this area. If he comes from this area, he must be Jewish because this is, after all, a Jewish area. On the other hand, if he is a Jew, where could he be going?
I`m the only one from our area to be allowed to travel to Moscow.
Wait - just outside Moscow there is a little village called Samvet, and you don`t need special permission to go there.
But why would he be going to Samvet? He`s probably going to visit one of the Jewish families there, but how many Jewish families are there in Samvet? Only two - the Bernsteins and the Steinbergs. The Bernsteins are a terrible family, so he must be visiting the Steinbergs.
But more...

A Punjabi peasant was travelling by train with his two infant sons. When the conductor asked him for their tickets, he produced a half ticket.' You are three; you must have three tickets: one full and two halves,' said the conductor angrily.
'When we three travel together, I always buy a half ticket,' replied the peasant naively.
The conductor lost his temper,' You dunderhead, how can three persons become half? Just explain that to me.'
'Simple,' replied the peasant clambering on the upper berth.' See, one over two equals half.'

A PEASANT cycling along the road ran over a pedestrian. The pedestrian protested "Kam say kam, ghanttee to maar dettey-you could have at least rung your bell."
The peasant replied-ghanti kya? manney to cycle ka cycle maardaala-what of the bell, I knocked the entire bicycle."

A Punjabi peasant on his first flight to take up a job in England got a seat on a British airline. Came lunch time and the stewardess brought a tray of European savouries.' No,' said the peasant firmly as he undid a small bundle and took out a makki ki roti.
'What is this you are munching?', asked the stewardess.
'This bread India,' he replied.
A little while later, the stewardess brought a trayful of puddings of different kinds. Once again the peasant shook his head as he produced a lump of gur from his pocket and put it in his mouth.
'What is this you are chewing?', asked the stewardess.
'This sweet India,' he replied.
When the stewardess came to take away the lunch trays, the peasant let out a loud belch.
And what is this?', demanded the stewardess sternly.
'This is Air India.'

The scene: A train compartment in Poland in the 1950`s. A young Polish peasant, a Russian soldier, a beautiful young girl and an older woman in it. The train goes through a tunnel. It`s totally dark for a moment. A kiss is heard and then the sound of a face being slapped. As the train comes out of the tunnel, the Russian soldier is rubbing his sore cheek... The old Polish woman is thinking to herself: "Serves him right! I am glad the beautiful young girl slapped him. These Russians have no shame." The young Polish woman is thinking: "What an idiot! He had a chance to kiss me and he chose to kiss the old woman. I am glad she slapped him!" The Russian soldier is thinking: "Very clever of the Polish guy to kiss the young girl and let me take the whacking." The young Polish peasant thinks: "Brilliant idea to kiss my own hand and slap the Russian on his faceÉ"