Plan Jokes / Recent Jokes

Degrees (Fahrenheit)
* 65 degrees:
Hawaiians declare a two-blanket night
* 60 degrees:
Californians put on sweaters (if they can find one)
* 50 degrees:
Miami residents turn on the heat
* 45 degrees:
Vermont residents go to outdoor concerts
* 40 degrees:
You can see your breath
Californians shiver uncontrollably
Minnesotans go swimming
* 35 degrees:
Italian cars don't start
* 32 degrees:
Water freezes
* 30 degrees:
You plan your vacation to Australia
* 25 degrees:
Ohio water freezes
Californians weep pitiably
Minnesotans eat ice cream
Canadians go swimming
* 20 degrees:
Politicians begin to talk about the homeless
New York City water freezes
Miami residents plan vacation further South
* 15 degrees:
French cars don't start
Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you
* 10 degrees:
You need jumper cables to get the car going
* 5 degrees:
American cars more...

Degrees (Fahrenheit)* 65 degrees:Hawaiians declare a two-blanket night* 60 degrees:Californians put on sweaters (if they can find one)* 50 degrees:Miami residents turn on the heat* 45 degrees:Vermont residents go to outdoor concerts* 40 degrees:You can see your breathCalifornians shiver uncontrollablyMinnesotans go swimming* 35 degrees:Italian cars don't start* 32 degrees:Water freezes* 30 degrees:You plan your vacation to Australia* 25 degrees:Ohio water freezesCalifornians weep pitiablyMinnesotans eat ice creamCanadians go swimming* 20 degrees:Politicians begin to talk about the homelessNew York City water freezesMiami residents plan vacation further South* 15 degrees:French cars don't startCat insists on sleeping in your bed with you* 10 degrees:You need jumper cables to get the car going* 5 degrees:American cars don't start* 0 degrees:Alaskans put on T-shirts* -10 degrees:German cars don't startEyes freeze shut when you blink* -15 degrees:You can cut your breath and use it to more...

In the beginning was the Plan. And then came the Assumptions. And the Assumptions were without form. And the Plan was without substance. And darkness was upon the face of the Workers. And the workers spoke among themselves, saying, "This is crock of shit, and it stinks." And the Workers went unto their Supervisors and said, "It is a pail of dung, and we can't live with the smell." And the Supervisors went unto their Managers, saying, "It is a container of excrement, and it is very strong, such that none may abide by it." And the Managers went unto their Directors, saying, "It is a vessel of fertilizer, and none may abide its strength." And the Directors spoke among themselves, saying to one another, "It contains that which aids plant growth, and it is very strong." And the Directors went to the Vice Presidents, saying unto them, "It promotes growth, and it is very powerful.." And the Vice Presidents went to the President, more...

Those who do not plan for the future have to live through it anyway.

There were three ladies working in supermarket, and one came in bright and bubbly on monday morning, slightly jealous and curios at the same time the other two said what are you so chirpy about?. The other day my husbund bought me a new set of exquisite laungereie.The other two said how did you get him to do that? she replied i asked. Right after work the other two hatched a plan to get their hubbies to do the same. The next day the other two met up outside the door at work "Howd you get on with your request"? The other replied no good, The other ladie said and you, yep darn tooting i did, dissappointed the other lady whom had notten anything thought of a plan to get what she wanted so she invited her husbund to her place of work the next day, he arrived to find her up the ladder stacking shelves with no panties on she called down softly and said george i need some new undergarments be a dear and buy me some, i will see you after work when she got home there was a big parcel more...

The chieftain of a remote village flew to the United States to visit the president. When he arrived at the airport, a host of newsmen and television cameramen met him. One of the reporters asked the chief if he had a comfortable flight.
The chief made a series of weird noises - "screech, scratch, honk, buzz, whistle, z-z-z-z-z" - and then added in perfect English, "Yes, I had a very nice flight."
Another reporter asked, "Chief, do you plan to visit the Washington Monument while you're in the area?"
The chief made the same noises -"screech, scratch, honk, buzz, whistle, z-z-z-z-z" - and then said, "Yes, and I also plan to visit the White House and the Capitol Building."
"Where did you learn to speak such flawless English?" asked the next reporter.
The chief replied, "Screech, scratch, honk, buzz, whistle, z-z-z-z-z - from the shortwave radio."

The chieftain of a remote village flew to the United States to visit the president. When he arrived at the airport, a host of newsmen and television cameramen met him. One of the reporters asked the chief if he had a comfortable flight.The chief made a series of weird noises - "screech, scratch, honk, buzz, whistle, z-z-z-z-z" - and then added in perfect English, "Yes, I had a very nice flight."Another reporter asked, "Chief, do you plan to visit the Washington Monument while you're in the area?"The chief made the same noises -"screech, scratch, honk, buzz, whistle, z-z-z-z-z" - and then said, "Yes, and I also plan to visit the White House and the Capitol Building.""Where did you learn to speak such flawless English?" asked the next reporter.The chief replied, "Screech, scratch, honk, buzz, whistle, z-z-z-z-z - from the shortwave radio."