Plan Jokes / Recent Jokes
INTER OFFICE MEMORANDUM
SUBJECT: Solution to Y2K Problem
Factory Networks is pleased to announce the successful completion of a pilot program that was developed to establish a low-cost solution to the Year 2000 issue. In accordance with the wishes of the our manager, at meeting last week, we have been asked to implement this plan on a group-wide basis ASAP. Our new goal is to remove all computers from the desktop by Jan, 1999. Instead, everyone will be provided with an Etch-A-Sketch.
There are many sound reasons for doing this:
1. No Y2K problems
2. Reduction in technical problems
3. Major reduction in software costs.
4. Smaller learning curve for our managers.
As part of our continuing effort to be proactive in our customer relations, we are including the most frequently asked questions from our test group from the pilot phase. We believe that these questions cover approximately 99% of the issued involved with the new 'systems' - though we recognize it more...
A jobless man applied for the position of "office boy" at Some Company. The HR manager interviewed him then watched him cleaning the floor as a test. "You are employed." He said." Give me your e-mail address and I'll send you the application to fill in, as well as date when you may start." The man replied "But I don't have a computer, neither an email." I'm sorry", said the HR manager, "If you don't have an email, that means you do not exist. And who doesn't exist, cannot have the job." The man left with no hope at all. He didn't know what to do, with only $10 in his pocket. He then decided to go to the supermarket and buy a 10Kg tomato crate. He then sold the tomatoes in a door to door round. In less than two hours, he succeeded to double his capital. He repeated the Operation three times, and returned home with $60. The man realized that he can survive by this Way, and started to go everyday earlier, and return late Thus, his more...
It seems that a lot of people are dieting recently, trying everything from an all-carbohydrate to an all-protein mix. I have another suggestion, one that has worked through the ages: the "Beer-Me" diet. Personally, I have a "liquid dinner" every time I go to the club on Friday night!
FACT: A lite beer has between 70 and 100 calories, is almost all water, and the part that isn't water is almost pure carbohydrates.
FACT: The average diet recommends a daily caloric intake of 1,200 calories for women, 1,500 for men, if you want to lose the medically safe two to three pounds a week. On the "Beer-Me" diet, that equates to at least 12 beverages a day for women, and 15 for men. A measurable goal.
FACT: The alcohol in beer is a diuretic, which causes the water to flush out almost immediately, leading to a consistent workout regimen including deep knee bends (getting out of the chair), fast walking (very good for your heart) and more...
In the beginning there was a Plan.
And then came the Assumptions. And the Assumptions were without form. And the Plan was without substance.
And darkness was upon the faces of the Workers. And they spoke among themselves, saying, "It is a crock of shit and it stinks."
And the Workers went unto their Supervisors and said, "It is a pail of dung we can not live with the smell." And the Supervisors went unto their Managers saying, "It is a container of excrement and it is very strong and none may abide by it."
And the Managers went unto their Directors saying, "It is a vessel of fertilizer and none may abide its strength."
And the Directors spoke among themselves saying to one another, "It contains that which aids plant growth and it is very strong."
And the Directors went unto their Vice Presidents saying unto them, "It promotes growth and it is very powerful."
And the Vice Presidents went unto more...
The queen of England was visiting one of Canada's top hospitals, and during her tour of the floors she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating. "Oh my god!", said the Queen, "That's disgraceful, what is the meaning of this???" The doctor leading the tour explains, "I'm sorry your ladyship, this man has a very serious condition where the testicles rapidly fill with semen. If he doesn't do that five times a day, they would explode and he would most likely die instantly." "Oh, I am sorry" said the Queen. On the next floor they passed a room where a young nurse was giving a patient a blow job. "Oh my God", said the Queen, "What's happening in there?" The Doctor replied, "Same problem, better health plan."