Plant Jokes / Recent Jokes

A fire starts inside a chemical plant and the alarm goes out to fire departments miles around. After crews have been fighting the fire for over an hour, the chemical company president approached the fire chief and said, "All of our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved! I will give $100,000 to the engine company that brings them out safely!" The crews try, but no one can get through. Then another fire truck, filled with a volunteer fire company of men over 65, comes roaring down the road and drives straight into the middle of the inferno. The other men watch unbelieving as the old timers hop off of their rig and heroically extinguish the fire, saving the secret formulas. The company president walks over to reward the volunteers.

"What do you guys plan to do with the money?" the president asks the group.

The firetruck driver looks him right in the eye and answers, "The first thing more...

1. Dickson's Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

2. The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

3. Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any.

4. Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

5. One good turn gets most of the blankets.

6. There are two kinds of pedestrians -- the quick and the dead.

7. Life is sexually transmitted.

8. An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.

9. If quitters never win, and winners never cheat, then who is the fool who said "Quit while you're ahead"?

10. ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI.

11. Our good friend Willie is dead, he will be seen no more, for what he thought was H20 Was H2SO4.

12. more...

Fission shmission, relax, I'll increase the water level after my coffee break.
Was that "Open valve A and close valve B" or was it the other way round?
This whole plant will be running under Win95 tomorrow.
HEY! Is smoke coming out of the core normal?
Who forgot to pay the water bill???
We got 12 seconds to WHAT???
Meet your new plan superintendent: Bozo the clown.
A leak? Can't you fix it with duct tape or something?
Oh yeah! 50 bucks says I can make it blow.
It's Russian technology.
Move over Three Mile Island - here we come!!!
Sniff, sniff... you smell that?
I used to work at Chernobyl.
All the way to the RIGHT, not LEFT you dummy!
It's your turn to wax the core.
How come all the big shots are leaving?
Is that a 60 minute film crew out there?
Is this part really necessary?
OF COURSE I went to high school. Didn't finish it, though.
Look at the good news: we are going to find out whether people more...

When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
One good turn gets most of the blankets.
There are two kinds of pedestrians - the quick and the dead.
If quitters never win, and winners never cheat, then who is the fool who said, "Quit while you're ahead"?
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.
Jury: 12 people who determine which client has the better lawyer.
Never lick a gift horse in the mouth.
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over more...

Burford is checking out of a hotel when suddenly he has to take a shit real bad. The toilet in his room isn't working, so he bolts down to use the lobby Men's Room, but all of the stalls are occupied, so he runs back up to his room, and in desperation, he drops his pants, uproots a plant, and takes a shit in the pot. Then he puts the plant back in the pot and leaves. Two weeks later, he gets a postcard from the hotel that says,
"Dear Mr. Burford... All is forgiven. Just tell us... where it is?"

Once upon a time, on a farm in Arkansas, there was a little red hen who scratched about the barnyard until she uncovered quite a few grains of wheat.She called all of her neighbors together and said, "If we plant this wheat, we shall have bread to eat. Who will help me plant it?""Not I," said the cow.
"Not I," said the duck.
"Not I," said the pig.
"Not I," said the goose."Then I will do it by myself," said the little red hen. And so she did; The wheat grew very tall and ripened into golden grain."Who will help me reap my wheat?" asked the little red hen."Not I," said the duck."Out of my classification," said the pig."I'd lose my welfare," said the cow."I'd lose my unemployment compensation," said the goose."Then I will do it by myself," said the little red hen, and so she did.At last it came time to bake the bread. "Who will help me bake the more...

Once upone a time, there was a little red hen who scratched about the barnyard until she uncovered some grains of wheat.
She called her neighbors and said, "If we plant this wheat, we shall have bread to eat. Who will help me plant it?"
Not I," said the cow.
Not I," said the duck.
Not I," said the pig.
Not I," said the goose.
"Then I will," said the little red hen.
And she did. The wheat grew tall and repened into golden grain.
"Who will help me reap my wheat?" asked the little red hen.
"Not I," said the duck.
"Out of my classification," said the pig.
"I'd lose my seniority," said the cow.
I'd lose my unemployment compensation," said the goose.
"Then I will," said the little red hen, and she did.
At last it came time to bake the bread.
"Who will help me bake the bread?" asked the little red more...