Policy Jokes / Recent Jokes

TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
FROM: PERSONNEL DEPT.
SUBJECT: REST ROOM PRIVILEGES
In the past, employees were permitted to make trips to the rest room under informal guidelines. Effective this date, a "Rest room Trip Policy" (RTP) will be established to provide a consistent method of accounting for each employee's rest room time.
Under this policy, a "Rest room Trip Bank" (RTB) will be established for each employee. The first day of each month, employees will be given a "Rest room Trip Credit" (RTC) of 20. RTCs can be accumulated from month to month.
Within two weeks, the entrance to all rest rooms are being equipped with personal identification stations and computer linked voice recognition devices. Before the end of March, each employee must provide the Personnel Dept. with two copies of voice prints, one normal and one under stress. The voice print recognition will be in operation, but not restrictive, for the rest of the month. Employees more...

The year is 1996. By this time, the American Government's policy of
Social Welfare has been extended to require that any married couple who
has not had a child within the first five years of marriage, must
receive the services of a government man who will attempt to be the means
of the wife becoming a mother.
There are no children in the family of this particular story: much to the
sorrow of the husband, and it is the morning of their fifth wedding
anniversary.
Husband - Well, goodbye, dear, I'm off to the office. I suppose the
government man will be here shortly, computer-printed address and all.
He leaves with his head bowed. The wife pretties herself and powders her
nose just as the doorbell rings. She is expecting the government man, but
instead her caller is a baby photographer who has come to see if he could
interest her in some baby pictures. The following conversation ensues:
Lady: Oh, Good Morning.
Man: How do you more...

Subject: Government Memo
TO: All Employees
FROM: The Premier
SUBJECT: Early Retirement
As a result of the SOCIAL CONTRACT implemented last year, immediate steps are being taken to reduce the number of people on our payroll - a step which we call "right-sizing". It is our intention to reduce the number of older employees and retain younger, better educated, lower paid employees throughout the province.
The program to phase out the older personel through early retirement will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged Persons Early).
Employees who are RAPED will be given the opportunity to look for other jobs outside the province. Also, if they are being RAPED, they can request review of their employment records before actual retirement. This phase of the program is called SCREW (Survey of Capabilities of Retired Early Workers).
All employees who have been RAPED or SCREWED may file an appeal with the upper management. This will be called SHAFT (Study by Higher more...

Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.

After their house burned down, Mary Ann, his wife, called the insurance company.
Mary Ann tells the insurance agent, "We had that house insured for one hundred thirty thousand dollars and we want our money."
The agent replies, "Whoa there, just a minute. It doesn't work quite like that. We will ascertain the value of your house and provide you with a new one of comparable worth."
Mary Ann thought for a moment and then told the agent, "I'd like to cancel the policy on my husband."

After their house burned down, Mary Ann, his wife, called the insurance company.Mary Ann tells the insurance agent, "We had that house insured for one hundred thirty thousand dollars and we want our money."The agent replies, "Whoa there, just a minute. It doesn't work quite like that. We will ascertain the value of your house and provide you with a new one of comparable worth."Mary Ann thought for a moment and then told the agent, "I'd like to cancel the policy on my husband."

The incredibly dumb ATT fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership". He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence. Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them, shouting please to come out and give himself up. An Illinois man pretending to have a gun kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines. The kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts. A 9-year-old boy in Manassas, Virginia received a one-day suspension under his elementary school's drug policy last week - for Certs! Joey Hoeffer allegedly told a classmate that the mints would make him "jump higher." A student in Belle, West Virginia was suspended for three days for giving a more...