Portrait Jokes / Recent Jokes
Florida Governor Jeb Bush's official portrait shows him with a picture of his family and his BlackBerry.
Bush is sometimes referred to as the first "e-governor" due to his extensive use of the device.
The governor said that as a result of his direct contact with voters, Floridians are generally more hopeful and optimistic. He did concede that the optimism could be due to Florida's use of term limits.
State party officials are concerned about a breaking scandal. Despite the official portrait, the governor is rumored to have been seen using other hand-held devices.
SOHORTLY after her husband's death, the widow married her husband's brother. Hoping to avert smalltown criticism of such a hasty marriage, she hung a huge portrait of her late husband in the living room.
One day a visitor asked about the fine-looking man in the portrait. Dabbing away a tear with a hankie, she answered, "That's my poor brother-in-law. He died recently."
An elderly woman decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist "Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, a ruby broach, and gold Rolex."
"But you are not wearing any of those things" replied the artist.
"I know," she said. "It's in case I should die before my husband. I'm sure he will remarry right away, and I want his new wife to go crazy looking for the jewelry."
One semester at the University of Minnesota in Minneapolis, an art student asked a friend of his if he could paint his portrait for a class assignment. The friend agreed, and the art student painted and submitted the portrait, only to receive a C minus.
The art student approached the professor to ask why the grade was so poor.
The teacher told him that the proportions in the painting were incorrect.
"The head is too big," the professor explained. "The shoulders are too wide, and the feet are enormous."
The next day, the art student brought his friend to see the professor. He took one look at the young man, whose odds features matched the portrait exactly, and said, "Okay, A minus."
I went into your house, took a booger off the wall and yo mamma told me not to touch the family portrait.
An elderly woman decided to have her portrait painted.
She told the artist...
... "Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, a ruby broach, and gold Rolex. "
"But you are not wearing any of those things."
"I know," she said. "It's in case I should die before my husband. I'm sure he will remarry right away, and I want his new wife to go crazy looking for the jewelry.
A woman decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist, "Paint me with diamond rings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, a ruby broach, and gold Rolex."
"But you are not wearing any of those things," he replied.
"I know," she said. "It's in case I should die before my husband. I'm sure he will remarry right away, and I want his new wife to go crazy looking for the jewelry."