Presidential Jokes / Recent Jokes

BREAKING NEWS: GOD OVERRULES SUPREME COURT VERDICT Bush to be smitten later today In a stunning development this morning, God invoked the "one nation, under God" clause of the Pledge of Allegiance to overrule the Supreme Court`s decision that handed the White House to George Bush. "I`m not sure where the Supreme Court gets off," God said this morning on a rare Today Show appearance, "but I`m sure as hell not going to lie back and let Bush get away with this bullshit." "I`ve watched analysts argue for weeks now that the exact vote count in Florida `will never be known.` Well, I`m God and I DO know exactly who voted for whom. Let`s cut to the chase: Gore won Florida by exactly 20, 219 votes." Shocking political analysts and pundits, God`s unexpected verdict overrules the official Electoral College tally and awards Florida to Al Gore, giving him a 289-246 victory. The Bush campaign is analyzing God`s Word for possible grounds for appeal. more...

In 2000, the two major party presidential candidates agreed that Americans were seeing too much inappropriate material in popular entertainment. However, they disagreed on the details. The Republican candidate, George W. Bush, stated that there is too much bloody violence in the movies and on television. Vice President Al Gore, his Democratic opponent, stated that the media present Americans with too much sex and frontal nudity. In other words, Bush said there was too much gore, and Gore said there was too much bush.

Celebrity couples have all become subject to cute combo-names: Bennifer, TomKat, Brangelina, and now...



Gyllenspoon



What if, instead of restricting this practice to those who are actually banging each other, we also applied it to Presidential tickets?

For instance:



HillBama



And on the Republican side:



CondiCain



Or, here's a good one:



MormonDick



Or, if Hillary doesn't make the cut....



Barack O'GuyWhoseWifeHasCancer

16> Under threat of an embargo, Yeltsin quickly apologizes for the USSR's early space program.
15> National Endowment for the Arts replaced by a roomful of President's relatives with typewriters.
14> Microsoft? Sell! IBM? Sell! Chiquita? Buy, baby, buy!
13> "Organ grinding" no longer refers to Presidential proclivities.
12> First President in diapers since the Reagan years.
11> Shiny red ass could be blamed on heredity instead of a wild night at the Little Rock Holiday Inn with a hooker named Wanda.
10> Pauly Shore receives the Presidential Achievement Medal in the Arts.
9> N. R. A. banquet ends badly with Charlton Heston shouting, "Get your filthy paws off me, you damn dirty ape!"
8> Four opposable thumbs allow for Chinese bribe-taking at twice the speed of current administration.
7> New Director of the FBI: Lancelot Link, Secret Chimp.
6> State of the Union address reduced to three minutes of dung-tossing and more...

From modernhumorist.com
"One Hollywood exec said he wouldn't be surprised if the movie rights to 'the election of the century' were already being negotiated. 'It's got all the ingredients—a mysterious electoral college, weird tabulating procedures, missing ballots, lawsuits—as well as photogenic lead characters'."
- Variety
Uncountable
Dir. M. Night Shyamalan
In this supernatural thriller from the creator of "The Sixth Sense," an election is not what it seems. Gore (Bruce Willis) is haunted by the memory of losing Palm Beach County by a narrow margin. His son, Al Gore III (Brad Renfro) tells him, "I see missing ballots." An election law expert (Samuel L. Jackson) tries to find the truth. Please do not reveal the surprise ending (Gov. Carnahan is dead!).
How the Grinch Stole the Election
Dir. Ron Howard
Ralph Nader (Abe Vigoda) plots to steal away as many votes as possible from the gentle Gores in Goreville (Tennessee). more...

Top ten names for Ben & Jerry's new presidential ice cream:
1. Impeach-Mint
2 Candy Pants
3. Hyperactive Nuts
4. Chilly Hillbilly Vanilly
5. Pantsachio
6. Subpoena Colada
7. Horny Bubba Crunch
8. Peppermint Fattie
9. Captain Cream
10. Draft-Dodging-Pot-Smoking-Intern-Nailing Raspberry Swirl

The U.N. General Assembly declared on Monday that Afghanistan's presidential election was both credible and sound, despite allegations of ACORN voter-registration fraud.