Procession Jokes / Recent Jokes
A golfer and his buddies where playing a big round of golf for $200. At the eighteenth green the golfer had a ten foot putt to win the round, and the $200. As he was lining up his putt, a funeral procession started to pass by. The golfer set down his putter, took his hat off, placed it over his chest, and began to wait for the funeral procession to pass. After it passed, he picked up his putter and returned to lining up his putt. One of his buddies said, "That was the most touching thing I have ever seen. I can't believe you stopped playing, possibly loosing your concentration, to pay your respects." "Well, we were married for 25 years!"
Having been raised a Catholic and having gone to church some time in my past, I think these are still verifiable!
AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.
BULLETIN:
1. Parish information read only during the homily.
2. Catholic air conditioning.
3. Your receipt for attending Mass.
CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the Congregation to lip-sync.
HOLY WATER: A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY.
HYMN: A song of praise, usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation's range.
RECESSIONAL HYMN: The last song at Mass, often sung a little more quietly, since most of the people have already left.
INCENSE: Holy Smoke!
JESUITS: An order of priests known for their ability to found colleges with good basketball teams.
JONAH: The original "Jaws" story.
JUSTICE: When kids have kids of their own.
KYRIE ELIEISON: The only Greek words that most Catholics can recognize more...
A friend, Linda, and her sister were driving in the procession to the cemetery after a distant relative's funeral."Since we don't really know anybody, do you want to just head home?" she asked. When her sister nodded, Linda made a right turn.She had gotten about a quarter of a mile down the road when she happened to look in her mirror.The rest of the procession was still following her.
A man is walking along when he sees a funeral procession going by. It is the longest funeral procession he has ever seen, with a long line of men walking behind the hearse. He notices that the first man in line has a Doberman Pinscher on a leash. After watching the long line of men for a few minutes, the man's curiousity gets the better of him, so he goes up to the first man in the procession.
"Excuse me, sir," he says to the mourner with the dog, "I'm very sorry to bother you in your time of grief, but never in my life have I seen such a large funeral procession. Could you please tell me who this funeral is for?"
"Yes, says the man, tightening the leash on his dog, "the funeral is for my mother-in-law. You see," he says, hanging his head, "my Doberman, here, attacked and killed her."
"Gee, I'm really sorry to hear that," says the other man. "But...um...tell me, do you think maybe I could borrow this more...
Two old men were fishing off a bridge as they had done daily for many years. Suddenly a funeral procession came down the road.
The one old man reeled in his line, lain down his pole, faced the street and bowed his head until the procession had passed. He then picked up his pole and started fishing again.
The other fisherman was amazed and stated "I didn't know you were that religious."
The other looked at him and said "Least I could do, we've been married 42 years!"