Procession Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two fellas are fishing in a boat under a bridge.

One looks up and sees a funeral procession starting across the bridge.

He stands up, takes off his cap, and bows his head.

The procession crosses the bridge and the man puts on his cap, picks up his rod and reel, and continues fishing.

The other guy says, "That was touching. I didn''t know you had it in you."

The first guy responds, "Well, I guess it was the thing to do - after all, I was married to her for 40 years."

The foursome was out on the course enjoying a day of golf. As one of them was preparing to tee off, a funeral procession was passing on the highway nearby.
Rather than teeing off, he removed his cap and bowed his head. Once the procession had passed, he put his cap back on his head and as he was about to resume playing one of the others said, "Joe, that was very touching. I commend you on your sensitivity."
"Well heck guys," Joe replied, "I was married to her for 20 years. It was the least I could do."

Two men are playing golf one day. As they are about to start one of the holes, a funeral procession goes by on the road beside the course. One of the golfers, Harry, takes off his cap and stands with his cap to his chest, and waits for the entire procession to go by. He then puts his cap back on and proceeds to tee off.
"Gee Harry, that was a very nice gesture on your part. It was very thoughtful and respectful of you to do that," his friend says.
"Well," Harry replies, "I was married to her for 30 years, it was the least I could do."

A young man and an old man were playing a round of golf. When they got to the 18th hole, which was along a road, a funeral procession was driving by. The old man removed his cap and bowed his head until the funeral procession drove by.
"That was very nice of you to be so respectful to that funeral procession," remarked the young man.
The old man replied, "That is the least I could do. I was married to that woman for 45 years."

A woman walked out of a coffee shop just in time to see a very strange sight.
Moving slowly down the street was a funeral procession which consisted of a hearse followed by another hearse, followed by a woman walking a dog, followed by 200 women in a long line.
The procession was moving slowly and her curiosity got the best of her.So she walked up to the woman with the dog.
I hope you don't mind me asking, who is in the first hearse?
That's my husband. He was attacked by our dog and killed.
Well, who is in the second hearse?
That's my mother in law. She tried to save him and was killed by the dog too.
Is this the dog, she asked?
"Yes" said the widow.
The first woman thought about it for a minute and then asked. "Can I borrow your dog?"
Sure, said the widow,"get in the line".

This one comes from the Delhi University campus and is based on the two meanings of the Hindi word maang, which can mean both demand and the parting in the hair. The students of a girls' college took out a procession to protest against living conditions in their hostel. They divided themselves into two groups. One shouted' hamaaree mangey,' and the second lot replied,' pooree karo.' So they went round the campus yelling,' Give us our demands.'
The procession wound its way past a boys' college. The cheerleaders, shouted:' Hamaree mangey.' But before the second batch of girls could reply, the boys shouted back,' Sindoor se bharo (fill them with vermilion powder).'
If you don't get the joke, ask a Hindi speaking friend to explain.

The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.
BULLETIN:
1. Parish information, read only during the homily.
2. Catholic air conditioning.
3. Your receipt for attending Mass.
CHOIR:
A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the congregation to lip-sync.
HOLY WATER:
A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY.
HYMN:
A song of praise, usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation's range.
RECESSIONAL HYMN:
The last song at Mass, often sung a little more quietly, since most of the people have already left.
INCENSE:
Holy Smoke!
JESUITS:
An order of priests known for their ability to found colleges with good basketball teams.
JONAH:
The original "Jaws" story.
JUSTICE:
When kids have kids of their own.
KYRIE ELIEISON:
The only Greek words that most Catholics can recognize besides gyros and baklava.
MAGI:
The most famous trio to more...