Pupil Jokes / Recent Jokes

The Grade 2 pupils returned to class after the long weekend. Their teacher told them to tell their classmates about the most exciting thing they did during the weekend, but to use adult words in telling their stories.First Pupil: "I visited my Nana."Teacher: "Please use adult words, you visited your Grandmother."Second Pupil: I had a ride on a choo-choo."Teacher: "Please, you had a ride on a train."Third Pupil: I read a whole book by myself for the first time."Teacher: "Excellent. And what was the name of the book?"Third Pupil, with a big grin: "Winnie The Shit!"

School Jokes DownUp +2 Teacher: Why does the statue of liberty stand in New York harbour? Pupil: Because it can’t sit down! An ideal homework excuse Teacher: Where is your homework? Pupil: I lost it fighting this kid who said you weren’t the best teacher in the school Teacher: If 1+1=2 and 2+2=4, what is 4+4? Pupil: That’s not fair! You answer the easy ones and leave us with the hard one

Teacher: Paul, what is the chemical formula of water?
Paul: H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O
Teacher: What is this?
Paul: Well, you said it is H2O!
Teacher: Mike, get up! How can you sleep in my class?
Mike: I can Mr, if you keep your voice down.
Teacher: Where does God live?
Little boy: I think he lives in our bathroom.
Teacher: Why do you say that?
Little boy: Well, every morning my daddy bangs on the door and says, 'God, are you still in there?'
Teacher: "Annie! stop showing off! Do you think you are the teacher of this class?"
Annie: "No, Miss."
Teacher: "Then stop acting like a fool!"
Pupil: "Sir, Would you mind e-mailing my exam results to my parents?"
Teacher: "But your parents don't have a computer."
Pupil: "Exactly!"
A student to his teacher: "I haven't got no pencil."
Teacher, correcting him: "You don't have any pencil. He doesn't have any more...

"It's no good, sir," said the hopeless pupil to his English teacher. "I try to learn, but everything you say goes in both ears and out the other."
"Goes in both ears and out the other?" asked the puzzled teacher. "But you only have two ears."
"You see, sir? I'm no good at math, either."

It is parents evening and a young teacher is called away in an emergency just before she is due to see the last set of her pupil's parents for the evening.
So she asks one of the other teachers to fill in for her. The other teacher agrees but asks for some background information before she meets the parents.
" Who is the pupil? " the substitute teacher asks.
" Oh a lovely sweet little boy but he isn't that bright, can be a bit of a handful and seems more interested in play than work. "
" Right. " says the substitute teacher as she is writing notes and then also asks, " and the mother what about her? "
" Oh, she is a Korean lady, but unfortunately she thinks that her little boy is both an angel and a genius, so please be diplomatic when you talk with her, as she really got upset last time when I said I thought her son was probably not equipped for a future career in Medicine and that he might possibly have to consider an more...