Rape Jokes / Recent Jokes

Your friends tell you that you have been acting strange lately, and then you hit them several times with a sledgehammer.
Everyone you meet appears to have tentacles growing out of places that you wouldn't expect tentacles to be growing from.
You start out each morning with a 30-minute jog around the bathroom.
You write to your mother in Germany every week, even though she sends you mail from Iowa asking why you never write.
Every time you see a street sign, you have a tremendous urge to relieve yourself on it.
You wear your boxers on your head because you heard it will ward of evil dandruff spirits.
You're always having to apologize to your next door neighbor for setting fire to his lawn decorations.
Every commercial you hear on the radio reminds you of death.
People stay away from you whenever they hear you howl.
Your breath smells more and more like squirrel dung each passing day.
You laugh out loud during funerals.
When your doctor tells more...

Jessie James and his gang are attacking a train outside of Oklahoma City. As they go through each car, they line up the travelers and prepare to take all their loot. As Jesse entered the first car he yelled, "Okay, everybody, we're going to rape all the men and rob all the women!"Upon hearing this, his brother Frank turned to him and said, "ah, Jessie, don't you mean we're going to rob all the men and rape all the women?" With that said, a little fairy in the corner pops up and says..."Listen, you heard Jessie... he's the boss!"

A man and his wife go to their weekend getaway in the mountains where the husband likes to fish and the wife likes to read
the husband came home early one day from fishing and went to bed
the wife decided now would be her chance to go out on the boat and read
so she did
she didn't know the lake very well so she just layed anchor anywhere and began to read
along came a officer and told her "what are you doing?"
"reading" said the woman
"this is a restricted fishing area"
"but i'm not fishing"
"that may be true but you have all of the equipment so i will have to take you in"
"if you do that i will charge you with rape" the woman says
"but i didn' touch you"
"this may be true but you have all of the right equipment"
Moral of the story is: never mess with a woman who knows how to read.

Once again, Little Johnny was in trouble, but this time it was serious. He was charged with the rape of a grown woman, and although the crime appeared to be highly improbable, the state's evidence was overwhelming.
As a last desperate move, the defense attorney went over to the witness stand, pulled Little Johnny's pants down and grabbed hold of the boy's tiny penis for all to see.
Turning towards the jury box, the lawyer cried, "Ladies and gentlemen, surely you cannot believe that such a small, still undeveloped organ is sexually mature?" Growing more agitated, he continued, "How could this miniature member possibly be capable of even an erection, let alone the rape of a grown woman!"
"Careful!" Little Johnny yelped, "One more shake and you're going to lose the case!"

A Grandmother and three grand daughters live in a remote house.
One day some burglars broke into this house. they strapped the poor all women and completely robbed the house.
next, the robbers said "we are now going to rape all of you"
The three young women got frightened and one of them were very upset about the poor old granny and asked. ...
"Are you going to rape our poor old innocent granny too???
and suddenly, before the thief got a chance to even think about it, the grandma jumped in and said...
WHY NOT! WHY NOT!!!!!!!