Recruit Jokes / Recent Jokes
The US Army is currently in the midst of a sexual harassment scandal. It started at a small base in Aberdeen, Maryland. These are some things you might either see in the news, or hear about:
As a result of an internal investigation, one of the Duty Officer's stunning, blonde staffers was transferred from Aberdeen Maryland to an obscure base in Utah. The woman reported to her new Commanding Officer and handed him her orders. He glanced at them and said, "Well Private, your duties here will be pretty much the same as your last assignment." The girl sighed and said, "Yes Sir. I kind-of figured that. Will be be OK if I drape my uniform over this chair?"
Then there was the newly promoted Army Captain who promptly had his female Quartermaster on the carpet because she forgot to include a sofa in his office.
"I'm telling you Jody, I've never been happier" said the one recruit to the other. I have two Drill Sergeants madly in love with me. One is just more...
The boss was giving a pep talk to the latest recruit to the office staff.' I run a tight ship here,' he said.' I want men who are efficient, conscientious and hard-working.'
'Well, sir,' said the new recruit,' I think you'll find I always give of my very best at all times.'
'That's what everyone says when they start,' said the boss.' But how long will you continue to do your best?'
'I suppose,' said the new man,' until I've got your job.'
A new missionary recruit went to Venezuela for the first time. He was struggling with the language and didn't understand a whole lot of what was going on. Intending to visit one of the local churches, he got lost, but eventually got back on track and found the place. Having arrived late, the church was already packed. The only pew left was the one on the front row.
So as not to make a fool of himself, he decided to pick someone out of the crowd to imitate. He chose to follow the man sitting next to him on the front pew. As they sang, the man clapped his hands, so the missionary recruit clapped too. When the man stood up to pray, the missionary recruit stood up too. When the man sat down, he sat down.
When the man held the cup and bread for the Lord's Supper, he held the cup and bread. During the preaching, the recruit didn't understand a thing. He just sat there and tried to look just like that man in the front pew.
Then he perceived that the preacher was giving more...
A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you
had to arrest your own mother?"
He said: "Call for backup."
The first woman recruit in the Army reported for duty and was told that although her quarters would be in a separate building, she was to mess with the men. It wasnt until four weeks later someone finally told her that meant to eat her meals with them.
The Supervisor was berating a key punch operator over her lack of output. "...And look at Tina, working right next to you, she has triple your keystrokes."
"I know, I know!" replied Sheryl, "I've been telling her to slow down for weeks now."
The new Marine recruit was awakened roughly by her platoon Sergeant after the rookie's first night in the barracks.
"It's four-thirty !" roared the Sergeant.
"Four-thirty?!?!?" gasped the recruit. "You'd better go to bed. We've got a big day tomorrow."
The newly rich Yuppette was going thru her "culture" routine and was standing in front on an oil painting of a ragged but happy vagabond. "Go figure." she said aloud. "Too broke to buy himself any decent clothes but he spends Lord knows how much to have his portrait painted."
Two Yuppettes were lamenting the death of a friend who had died the day before. "I understand," more...
A recruit examines the food served to him in the batallion dining room."Do I have any choice here," he asks a sergeant."Yes, you do. You may eat it or not"