Recruit Jokes / Recent Jokes

Ah Seng, a recruit, was a bit of a loner. He took to drinking heavily whenever he booked out for the weekend. One weekend, he returned so drunk that he was told to see the Commanding Officer immediately. “Look Ah Seng, why don’t you shape up? ” said the CO, who was something of a softie. “There is a real future for you here if you sober up. You could become a corporal, or even a sergeant! Isn’t that something to look forward to? ” Ah Seng replied, ”Well, Sir, to tell you the truth, that’s really not good enough for me because after a few glasses of Tiger, I feel like a colonel! ”

During a simulated attack, the troops have to defend themselves against an imaginary enemy, as the sergeant calls it. Bawling out orders, he notices that one recruit shows little response. "You there," the sergeant shouts, "the imaginary enemy is advancing, and your are caught in the crossfire. Action!" The recruit takes two steps to one side.
"What are you doing, man?" Yells the sergeant, purple with fury. "I`m taking shelter behind an imaginary tree, Sergeant," answers the recruit calmly.

Budget cuts to the Defence force forced the training team to start doing mock combat using no explosives, guns, or basically any equipment what-so-ever, so when it came to a training scenario, the Sergeant in charge tells his recruits that they are under imaginary fire, and what do they do?
So all of the recruits except one scatter and get down behind "stuff", and get into returning fire positions.
The Sergeant notices this one recruit standing out in the open, quite relaxed and unfazed.
Yelling, the Sergeant asks, "What the devil do you think you're doing? You're under fire!"
So the recruit takes one step to the left and remains still.
Now the Sergeant's really annoyed. He yells again, "What the Hell are you doing? You're under imaginary fire, take cover!"
The recruit turns to him and replies, "I'm taking cover behind this imaginary tree Sergeant!"

The new army recruit was serving his first guard duty. He did his best for a while but about 5 a.m. she went to sleep. When he opened his eyes he found the day officer standing before him. Remembering the stiff penalty for being asleep on guard duty, this clever young man kept his head bowed for another moment, then looked upward and reverently said, "A-a-a-men!"

A recruit who wasn't really meant to be a soldier went out to the rifle
range for the first time. He missed every target and most of the hills
behind them. Despondent, he said to the sergeant, "I think I'll just go
and shoot myself."
The sergeant said, "Better take a couple of extra bullets!"

A recruit examines the food served to him in the batallion dining room.
"Do I have any choice here," he asks a sergeant.
"Yes, you do. You may eat it or not"

The first woman recruit in the Army reported for duty and was told that although her quarters would be in a separate building, she was to mess with the men. It wasn't until four weeks later someone finally told her that meant to eat her meals with them.