Refuses Jokes / Recent Jokes

One day O'Leary decided to visit his friend Paddy and ask him for a favour.

"Paddy my friend", he said. "I'm going on holiday for a few weeks an I wanted to know if you could come around a couple a times a day to check up on me elderly ma, an feed me cat".

"No problem", replied Paddy. "You go an have a good time".

So the next day O'Leary left and headed for sunny Florida. However, after a week of him being there, he received a phone call from Paddy. "Everything's ok over here", Paddy said.
"Except you're cat. It's dead"!

"oly ell", replied O'Leary. "You could have been a bit more sensitive Paddy"!
"What do you mean?", replied Paddy.

"Well, one day you could have rang me up and told me that my cat has climbed the tree. The next day you could tell me that it has gone even higher up the tree and refuses to come down. On the third more...

A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender tells him the price is $3.
The man pulls out a $20 bill and hands it to the bartender.
The bartender replies, "Sorry I can't accept that."
The man then pulls out a $10 bill and hands it to the bartender.
The bartender refuses to accept it.
The man finally pulls out a $5 bill and gives it to the bartender.
The bartender once again refuses to accept it.
When the man asks the bartender why he won't accept any of the bills the man is giving him, the bartender replies, "Sorry sir, this is a singles bar."

There was a good old barber in Hyderabad. One day a florist goes to him for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies:
I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you, I am doing a Community Service.
Florist is happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is a "Thank You" Card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.
A Confectioner goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber he again refuses to take the money. The Confectioner is happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is another "Thank you" Card and a dozen Cakes waiting at his door.
A Software Engineer goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber again refuses the money saying that it was a community service.
The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, guess what he finds there. .....
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>? My Boss had a "stroke of genius" and it killed him.
>
>? My Boss recently fired a gay employee. He called it "canning the fruit".
>
>? My Boss is a famous inventor. He created "the fluke".
>
>? Whenever "it's" going to hit the fan, my Boss makes sure I'm right down
>front.
>
>? I work in the company kitchen. My Boss said "If you ever drop food on the
>floor, just put it in the microwave for a few seconds to kill the germs.
>Then go ahead and put it on plates for the customers."
>
>? My Boss was complaining about how much time I used to take my wife to the
>doctor for her leukemia treatments. He said "You're making too much of
>this. We are all going to die sometime. Make sure your career doesn't die
>first."
>
>? We recently moved into a new building that didn't have enough space for
>our cubicles. I was told my cubicle wouldn't more...

ADAM & EVE
One fine morning in Eden, God was looking for Adam and Eve, but couldn't
find them. Later in the day God saw Adam and asked where he and Eve were
earlier. Adam said, "This morning Eve and I made love for the first time."
God said, "Adam, you have sinned. I knew this would happen. Where is Eve
now?"
Adam replied, "She's down at the river, washing herself out."
"Damn," says God, "now all the fish will smell funny."
THE EPIC OF THE BAKED BEAN
Once upon a time there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked
beans. He loved them, he adored them, he yearned for them. But they always
caused him a great deal of embarrassment shortly after eating them. The
reaction of his body to the beans was swift and terrible to behold.
One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they
would marry, he realized she might be even more embarrassed and more...