Rice Jokes / Recent Jokes

A guy walks into a drugstore operated by a prudish woman.
He asks, "Can I have a dozen condoms, miss?"
"Don't miss me, mister."
"Well then, you better make it 13."
A traveling salesman walks into a bar and sees a farmer. "Can you give
me a place to spend the night?" he asks.
"You can sleep in the barn, says the farmer, but whatever you do, don't
disturb my chicken."
The salesman thanks him and pulls a duck out of his pocket, which immediately
sits down and starts playing the piano.
"We don't allow any farm animals in here," says the bartender.
"Do you have any matches?" asks the salesman.
"Sure," says the bartender.
"Good," says the salesman, "now I can find the Mac truck and drive out."
Doing so, the salesman takes the farmer home, and goes to the barn. Once
there he sees this nest full of rice, which, for no good reason, he more...

Ah Beng talks about Singapore history and current affairs... Under the' ang mo' we all live happily together, no complain.
Malaysia & Singapore is one big family in our brains.
One day we both like 2 durians cannot get along.
Got sharp thorns, poke each other, until' buay song.'
One moment like brothers, can give and take.
Next moment we kena kicked out by the leg.
Wah! Our towkay also cry like mad,
we all also feel very very sad.
Our neigbours all say,' Wah they all sure to die!
They got nothing, how to get next bowl of rice?' So' boh pian,' we all work day and night.
We also join the army so that we can fight.
We don't care others' see us no up'.
But actually inside we very pain in the heart.
Then slowly hor we grow rich and a bit fat.
Now others talk about us also got some respect.
They scratch their heads and say
' Very funny! Got nothing how come they can still make money?' Last time also got no money more...

A man walks into a bar one night has a few beers and asks to use the bathroom. The man says sure its in the first door on the right not the second. So the man forgetting what he said went into the second door. When he walked in there was a women lying there naked with her legs open. So he went down on her. He came out and went home. When he got home he started vomiting rice. So the next day he went back to the bar and told the bartender when i was here last night I ate the girl out in the second room I went home and threw up rice. The bartender says "
It's not rice they are maggotts she has been dead for a week"
!

Thank you all who contribute to this party pranks series, as i told you, i can't pos all the ideas as i lost a file, but here you have:
This poor guy received a slight variation of the tatoo treatment, we painted a treasure map in his stomach with genciana violet (a purple dye that last about a week).
But just when you think it was safe, I put in his lugagge, 5 POUNDS OF RICE! (witout a bag, gee, i forgot the bag) and a note: "Sorry i couldn't toss this rice at you at the church!"
I wish I could have been there when he had opened his suitcase, and imagine the explanation to the hotel maid about all that rice on the floor of the room!
Also check the Part 1

Chee Soon Juan - Did I say that the chicken crossed the road? I meant the chicken-rice stall across the road, but left out some letters because of typo. SDP vice-chairman - wo ting bu dong ni jiang shen me. (I don't know what you are saying). Ling How Doong - don't talk cock. Worker's Party - The PAP doesn't allow chickens to cross the road. Chiam See Tong - The opposition must be loyal to Singapore. Don't eat Hainanese chicken rice. Eat Singapore noodles. Ling How Doong - don't talk cock. Chee Soon Juan - Did I say eat Hainanese chicken rice? I said CONSUME chicken rice at the stall across the road. PAP - There is no chicken rice stall across the road. Worker's Party - That is not true. The PAP just doesn't want chickens to cross the road. Chiam See Tong - We must always stay on this side of the road and remain true Singaporeans. Ling How Doong - don't talk cock. Chee Soon Juan - Did I say consume chicken rice across the road? I said eat chicken rice OPPOSITE the road. PAP - You said more...

The young woman really thought she'd been very patient, through a protracted period of dating with no talk of marriage.
One night her steady boyfriend took her to a Chinese restaurant. As he perused the menu, he casually asked her, "So. . . how do you like your rice? Boiled? Steamed? Or fried?"
Without missing a beat, she looked over her menu at him and replied clearly, "Thrown."

Enlightenment Quiz
1. Yin and... A) Yout B) Tonic C) Yenta D) Yang
2. A Zen koan is... > A) A Jewish Buddhist B) All of the above C) None of the above D) None of the above
3. Just before total God-realization I would see... > A) A blue pearl B) Nothing C) Everything D) How would I know?
4. Lao-Tsu is... A) Shrimp with fried rice B) The Atman Brothers C) A Japanese word for sneeze D) Someone you should know about
5) Jivatman and Atman merge to become... A) Jivatmanatman B) The Atman Brothers C) Jivatman & Atman Inc. D) Mr. & Mrs. Atman
6) The word or words which best describes the relationship of God, Guru, and Self is:- A) Oneness B) Twoness C) Penpalness D) Just good friends
7) Which of the following is not a name of the Lord?> A) Jehova B) Elohim C) Yahweh D) Charlton Heston
8) If you swap a Swami with a Yogi you get... A) A Swogi B) A Salami C) Yogurt D) Heartburn
9) Carlos Castaneda is: A) A flamenco dancer B) A resort near San Juan C) A mystery more...