Royal Jokes / Recent Jokes
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Royal!
Royal who?
Royal give you a lift if you ask!
If you mixed vodka with orange juice and milk of magnesia, would you get a Philip's Screwdriver? Why is it that we recite at a play and play at a recital? Why is a wise man and wise guy opposites? If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed? Have you ever noticed.... Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets. Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same. Suppose you were an idiot... And suppose you were a member of Congress... But I repeat myself. Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Iraq. Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my gosh.... I could be eating a slow learner. What do people mean more...
Editor's Note: Not really all humor, unless you consider grown men in tights slapping each others asses funny...
#1. Seen on a church sign in Arkansas prior to the 1969 game.
' Football is only a game.
Spiritual things are eternal.
Nevertheless, Beat Texas'
#2.' After you retire from football, there's only one big event left... and I ain't ready for that.' Bobby Bowden / Florida State
#3.' The man who complains about the way the ball bounces is likely to be the one who dropped it.' Lou Holtz / Arkansas
#4.' When you win, nothing hurts.' Joe Namath / Alabama
#5.' Motivation is simple. You eliminate those who are not motivated.' Lou Holtz / Arkansas
#6.' If you want to walk the heavenly streets of gold, you gotta know the password,' Roll, tide, roll!' Bear Bryant / Alabama
#7.' A school without football is in danger of deteriorating into a medieval study hall.' Frank Leahy / Notre more...
A Texan, while visiting Toronto, found himself in the back seat of a taxi cab on the way to his hotel. Passing by the Royal York the Texan asked the cab driver "What's that building there?" "That's the Royal York Hotel" replied the cabbie. "The Royal York? How long did it take to build that?" asked the Texan. "About 12 years" replied the cabbie. "12 years? We build' em twice as high, twice as wide and four times as long down in Texas, and we do that in six months." A while later the cab driver makes his was past the Metro-Toronto Convention Centre. "What's that building over there?" asked the Texan. "That's the Metro-Toronto Convention Centre" replied the cabbie. "Convention Centre? How long'd it take to build that?" asked the Texan. "About three years" replied the cabbie. "Three years? We build' em twice as high, three times as long and four times as wide as that down in Texas, and it only more...
The Queen of England was showing the Archbishop of Canterbury around the Royal Stables when one of the stallions close by farted so loudly it couldn't be ignored.
"Oh dear," said the Queen, "How embarrassing. I'm frightfully sorry about that."
"It's quite understandable," said the Archbishop, and after a moment added, "As a matter of fact I thought it was the horse."
A Mexican newspaper reports that bored Royal Air Force pilots stationedon the Falkland Islands have devised what they consider a marvelous newgame. Noting that the local penguins are fascinated by airplanes, thepilots search out a beach where the birds are gathered and fly slowlyalong it at the water edge. Perhaps ten thousand penguins turn theirheads in unison watching the planes go by, and when the pilots turnaround and fly back, the birds turn their heads in the opposite direction, like spectators at a slow-motion tennis match. Then, the paper reports, "The pilots fly out to sea and directly to the penguincolony and overfly it. Heads go up, up, up, and ten thousand penguinsfall over gently onto their backs.
There was a fire in the royal library in Sweden, and the king was utterly depressed because both books were burned and he`d only gotten around to painting in one of them.