Sentence Jokes / Recent Jokes

All the little rascals sat down for class, and the teacher decided to start off the day with a spelling quiz.
The teacher first asked Darla, "Darla, can you spell dumb?"
"D-u-m-b," said Darla
The teacher then said, "Can you use it in a sentence?"
"Buckwheat is dumb."
"Okay, can you spell stupid?" said the teacher.
"S-t-u-p-i-d."
"Can you use it in a sentence?"
"Buckwheat is stupid."
"Buckwheat, can you spell dictate?"
"D-i-c-t-a-t-e."
"Can you use it in a sentence?"
"I may be dumb, and I may be stupid, but Darla says my dictate good."

The manager of a large city zoo was drafting a letter to order a pair of animals. He sat at his computer and typed the following sentence: "I would like to place an order for two mongooses, to be delivered at your earliest convenience."

He stared at the screen, focusing on that odd word mongooses. Then he deleted the word and added another, so that the sentence now read: "I would like to place an order for two mongeese, to be delivered at your earliest convenience."

Again he stared at the screen, this time focusing on the new word, which seemed just as odd as the original one. Finally, he deleted the whole sentence and started all over. "Everyone knows no full-stocked zoo should be without a mongoose," he typed. "Please send us two of them."

There is no such thing as child-proofing your houseIf you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can igniteA 4 years-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurantIf you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan the motor is not strongenough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and asuperman capeIt is strong enough however to spread paint on all four walls of a20 by 20 foot roomBaseballs make marks on ceilings. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using the ceiling fan as a bat you have to throw the ball up afew times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hitby a ceiling fan. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh;" it's alreadytoo late. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it. A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36year old man says more...

A preposition is a bad thing to end a sentence with.
And a conjunction is a bad thing to begin a sentence with.

A teacher decides that she is going to teach her second grade class a new word today. She tells them that the word is "definitely" and its meaning is "absolute, positive, without a doubt."

She asks the class if anyone can think of a sentence with the word in it. She calls on little Susan who is in the back raising her hand, quite sure of herself.
Susan stands up and says, "The sky is definitely blue."
The teacher replies to her, "Well, that's a good sentence but sometimes the sky is gray, and sometimes its cloudy, and sometimes its red and pink so the sky is not definitely blue. Anyone else?"
Tom's hand flies up and she calls on him.
Tom answers, "The water is definitely clear."
"Well, Tom that's a good sentence but sometimes the water is muddy, and sometimes it's green, and sometimes it's full of seaweed so it's not definitely clear. Anyone else?"
Finally, in the far corner, little more...

A young schoolboy was having a hard time pronouncing theletter "R," and all the other kids were, of course, teasing him about it. To help him out, the teacher gavehim a sentence to practice at home: "Robert gave Richarda rap in the ribs for roasting the rabbit so rare." In class a few days later, the teacher asked the boy torecite the sentence out loud. The boy nervously eyed his classmates -- many of themalready laughing at him -- then replied, "Bob gave Dicka poke in the side because the bunny wasn't cooked enough."

TEACHER: "Johnny, use defeat, deduct, defense, and detail in one
sentence."
JOHNNY: "De-feet of DE-duck went over De-fence before De-tail."