Sentence Jokes / Recent Jokes

A US Border Patrol Agent catches an illegal alien in the bushes right by the border fence, he pulls him out and says "Sorry, you know the law, you've got to go back across the border right now."
The Mexican man pleads with them, "No, noooo Senior, I must stay in de USA! Pleeeze!"
The Border Patrol Agent thinks to himself, I'm going to make it hard for him and says "Ok, I'll let you stay if you can use 3 english words in a sentence."
The Mexican, of course, agrees.
The Border Patrol Agent tells him, "The 3 words are Green, Pink and Yellow... Now use all them in 1 sentence."
The Mexican man thinks really hard for about 2 minutes, then says, "Hmmm, Ok... The phone, it went Green, Green, Green, I Pink it up and sez Yellow?"

A US Border Patrol Agent catches an illegal alien in the bushes right by the border fence, he pulls him out and says "Sorry, you know the law, you've got to go back across the border right now."The mexican man pleads with them, "No, noooo Senior, I must stay in de USA! Pleeeze!"The Border Patrol Agent thinks to himself, I'm going to make it hard for him and says "Ok, I'll let you stay if you can use 3 english words in a sentence".The Mexican man of course agrees.The Border Patrol Agent tells him, "The 3 words are: Green, Pink and Yellow. Now use them in 1 sentence."The Mexican man thinks really hard for about 2 minutes, then says,"Hmmm, Ok. The phone, it went Green, Green, Green,... I Pink it up, and sez Yellow?"

The teacher once asked the class to make a sentence with the phrase pistol too. Timmy raised his hand, and after being recognized said, "The lone Ranger tamed the wild west with his faithful Indian companion and his pistol too."
Very good says the teacher.
Little Johnny raised his hand, and after being called on said, "Down at our house we make home-brew, drink till twelve, and piss till two."

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.In Atlanta, U.S. District Judge Charles Moye overturned a death sentence for a murderer because the jury that convicted him 10 years ago had asked for a Bible during deliberations.

A judge in Louisville decided a jury went "a little bit too far" in recommending a sentence of 5, 005 years for a man who was convicted of five robberies and a kidnapping. The judge reduced the sentence to 1, 001 years.

11. Gradually speak softer and softer and then suddenly point to a student and scream "YOU! WHAT DID I JUST SAY?"
12. Announce to students that their entire grades will be based on a single-question oral final exam. Imply that this could happen at any moment.
13. Deliver your lecture through a hand puppet. If a student asks you a question directly, say in a high-pitched voice, "The Professor can't hear you, you'll have to ask *me*, Winky Willy".
14. Bring a small dog to class. Tell the class he's named "Boogers McGee" and is your "mascot". Whenever someone asks a question, walk over to the dog and ask it, "What'll be, McGee?"
15. If someone asks a question, walk silently over to their seat, hand them your piece of chalk, and ask, "Would YOU like to give the lecture, Mr. Smartypants?"
16. Every so often, freeze in mid sentence and stare off into space for several minutes. After a long, awkward silence, more...

1. Verbs has to agree with their subjects. 2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with. 3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction. 4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.7. Be more or less specific.8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.10. No sentence fragments.11. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos. 13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.14. One should NEVER generalize.15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.16. Don't use no double negatives.17. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.18. One-word sentences? Eliminate.19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.20. The passive voice is to be ignored.21. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words more...