Sermon Jokes / Recent Jokes

After years of his wife's pleading, this good ol boy finally goes with her to her little local Church on Sunday morning. He was so moved by the Preacher's sermon that on the way out he stopped to shake his hand.He said, "Reverend, that was the best gawd damn sermon I ever did hear!"The Preacher replied, "Oh! Why, thank you sir, but please...I'd appreciate it if you didn't use the Lord's name in vain!"The man said, "I'm sorry Reverend, but I can't help myself, it was a good gawddamn sermon!"The Reverend said, "Sir, PLEASE, I cannot have you behaving this way at Church"! The man said, "Okay Reverend, but I just wanted you to know that I thought it was so gawddamn good, I put $500.00 in the collection plate!"And the Reverend said, "NO SHIT?!"

After years of his wife's pleading, this rich good ole boy finally goes with her to her little local Church on Sunday morning. He was so moved by the preacher's sermon that on the way out he stopped to shake his hand.
He said, "Reverend, that was the best damn sermon I ever did hear!"
The Preacher replied, "Oh! Why, thank you sir, but please, I'd appreciate it if you didn't use profanity in the Lord's house."
The man said, "I'm sorry Reverend, but I can't help myself, it was such a damn good sermon!"
The Reverend said, "Sir, PLEASE, I cannot have you behaving this way in Church!"
The man said, "Okay Reverend, but I just wanted you to know that I thought it was so damn good, I put $5000 in that there collection plate."
The Reverend looks stunned, and says, "NO SH**?"

A crumbling old church building needed remodeling, so, during his sermon, the preacher made an impassioned appeal looking directly at the richest man in town.

At the end of the sermon, the rich man stood up and announced, "Pastor, I will contribute $1,000."

Just then, plaster fell from the ceiling and struck the rich man on the shoulder.

He promptly stood back up and shouted, "Pastor, I will increase my donation to $5,000."

Before he could sit back down, plaster fell on him again, and again he this time he virtually screamed, "Pastor, I will double my last pledge."

He sat down, and a larger chunk of plaster fell on his head.

He stood up once more and hollered, "Pastor, I will give $20,000!"

This prompted a deacon to shout, "Hit him again, Lord! Hit him again!"

The Pope was finishing his sermon in the Basilica in St. Peters Square in Rome. He ended it with the Latin phrase, "Tutti Homini" - Blessed be Mankind.
A women's rights group grievously approached the Pope the next day. They pointed out that the pope blessed all Mankind, but not Womankind.
The next day, after His sermon, the Pope concluded by saying, "Tutti Homini, et Tutti Femini" - Blessed be Mankind and Womankind.
The next day, a gay-rights group approached the Pope. They said that they noticed that he blessed mankind and womankind, and inquired if he could also bless gay people.
The Pope said, "Sure".
The next day, the Pope concluded his sermon with, "Tutti Homini, et Tutti Femini, et Tutti Fruiti."

The Pope was finishing his sermon. He ended it with the Latin phrase, "Tuti Homini" - Blessed be Mankind. A women's rights group approached the Pope the next day. They noticed that the pope blessed all Mankind, but not Womankind.
The next day, after His sermon, the Pope concluded by saying, "Tuti Homini, et Tuti Femini" - Blessed be Mankind and Womankind.
The next day, a gay-rights group approached the Pope. They said that they noticed that he blessed man kind and woman kind, and asked if he could also bless gay people. The Pope said, "Sure".
The next day, the Pope concluded his sermon with, "Tuti Homini, et Tuti Femini, et Tuti Fruiti."

Once there was a church and a fire breathing, Hell and damnation Preacher giving a sermon against all the evils of life. He said: "Down with gambling. Let us all stop gambling."
"AMEN, PREACHER, AMEN!" shouted a little ole lady down on the front row.
The Preacher shouted: "DOWN WITH DRINKING OF ALCOHOL!"
"AMEN, PREACHER, AMEN!" again shouted the little ole lady down in the front row.
In fact, every time the Preacher preached against the evil vices of man, like carousing, staying out late, uncleanliness, or swearing she would shout the same thing or a variation there of.
Now all at once the Preacher raised his voice even higher and shouted. "DOWN WITH TOBACCO AND SNUFF AND ALL THOSE DEVIL'S DEVISES TO RUIN THE HEALTH OF GOD'S CHILDREN!"
The little lady jumped up and stomped out of the church, and she could be heard saying: "Now he has gone too far and got into something that is none of His business. I just more...

One Sunday a cowboy went to church. When he entered, he saw that he and the preacher were the only ones present. The preacher asked the cowboy if he wanted him to go ahead and preach. The cowboy said, "I'm not too smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I'd feed him."

So the minister began his sermon.

One hour passed, then two hours, then two-and-a-half hours. The preacher finally finished and came down to ask the cowboy how he liked the sermon. The cowboy answered slowly,

"Well, I'm not very smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I sure wouldn't feed him all the hay."