Sexual Jokes / Recent Jokes
Question: What is the redneck definition of sexual maturity?
Answer: An eight year old girl who can run faster than her brothers.
A salesman for a new firm had had a very bad week. Endless meetings in a half dozen cities, no sales. He was bummed and just wanted to relax on his flight home from Kansas City. Luckily, it looked like he had all three seats to himself in his row and he gratefully closed his eyes awaiting take off.
At the last minute, another passenger plopped down beside him. "Great, just great" he thought to himself. But then he opened his eyes and looked to see an absolutely gorgeous woman, blonde, green eyes, maybe 5 foot 4 inch, nicely built, well groomed and well dressed. Hmm, he thought, maybe my luck is going to change. She also still had a nametag on from something. So he turned to her and said "Hi, Masra. Are you traveling alone?"
She laughed and said "Oh, that's not my name. I was the keynote speaker at a convention today and forgot to take the silly thing off. It stands for Midwest American Sexual Response Association."
"Keynote huh? That more...
The Dean of Women at an exclusive girls’ school was lecturing her students on sexual morality. “Ladies, we live in very difficult times for young people. During moments of temptation, ” she said, “ask yourself just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame? ”
At that point, a young blonde woman at the back of the room stood up and asked, “”Excuse me, but how do you make it last an hour? ”
>> Freddie Bloor
>> --------------
>>
>> Now this is the tale of young Freddie Bloor,
>> whose sexual equipment got jammed in the door.
>> By the time they freed him he didn't feel well
>> for his private parts were mangled to hell.
>>
>> They rushed him to hospital, the ambulance flew
>> but when they arrived there was nowt they could do.
>> What a sad blow for Fred, condemned without choice,
>> to a life with no sex and a high squeaky voice.
>>
>> But lucky for Fred, so he wouldn't feel a fool
>> some bright spark suggested a bionic tool.
>> A bright new electric one made out of brass,
>> though the batteries would have to be kept up his arse.
>>
>> So newly equipped and after a rest,
>> Fred thought he would put his new tool to the test.
>> So finding a woman, the nearest one handy,
>> he piled her with drink and made her feel randy.
>>
>> The girl without waiting, put more...
STRANGE U.S. SEX LAWS
-- In Oblong, Illinois, it's punishable by law to make love while hunting or fishing on your wedding day.
-- In Minnesota, it is illegal for any man to have sexual intercourse with a live fish. (Apparently it's OK for woman.)
-- No man is allowed to make love to his wife with the smell of garlic, onions, or sardines on his breath in Alexandria, Minnesota. If his wife so requests, law mandates that he must brush his teeth.
-- Warn your hubby that after lovemaking in Ames, Iowa, he isn't allowed to take more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with you -- or holding you in his arms.
-- Bozeman, Montana, has a law that bans all sexual activity between members of the opposite sex in the front yard of a home after sundown -- if they're nude.
-- In hotels in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, every room is required to have twin beds. And the beds must always be a minimum of two feet apart when a couple rents a room for only one night. And more...
The drinker announced to the bartender, "It seems I've been informally named advisor on 'Sexual Matters' at my company.""That sounds interesting. Does this mean you'll be counseling the big bosses on relations with their secretaries?""I'm not sure yet," he answered. "During a staff meeting, I popped up to suggest a reduction in executive expense accounts and it was after that I was told if they ever wanted my fucking advice, they'd let me know."
Q: IS IT SEXUAL HARASMENT IF YOU GO TO A WOMAN AND TELL HER, HER HAIR SMELLS NICE? A: WHAT IF THE MAN IS A DWARF?