Shove Jokes

An old Jewish man is talking long-distance to California when all of a sudden he gets cut off. He hollers, "Operator, giff me beck the party!"She says, "I'm sorry sir, you'll have to make the call all over again." He says, "What do you want from my life? Giff me beck da party." She says, "I'm sorry sir, you'll have to place the call again." He says, "Operator, ya know vat? Take da telephone and shove it in you-know-vere!" And he hangs up. Two days later he opens the door and there are two big, strapping guys standing there who say, "We came to take your telephone out." He says, "Vy?" They say, "Because you insulted Operator 28 two days ago. But if you'd like to call up and apologize, we'll leave the telephone here." He says, "Vait a minute, vat's da rush, vat's da hurry?" He goes to the telephone and dials. "Hello? Get me Operator 28. Hello, Operator28? Remember me? Two days ago I insulted more...

three men a blonde a red-head and a brunette were out on a safari in africa they got lost in the middle of the jungle when they came across a tribe that said go find 5 fruit and we wont kill you but tell you the way out of the jungle, soo off the 3 went with a man from the tribe to make sure they didn't run off the brunette comes back with 5 grapes and the leader of the tribe says shove them up your butt and if you can and keep a staigh face we wont kill you the brunette does it while keeping a straight face so they show him the was out of the jungle. the red-head comes back with 5 cocnuts adn the leader says get on your knees and shove these up your butt while keeping a straight face and we will show you the way out of the jungle the man gets 3 up successfully and then starts to laugh the leader askes before he kills him why he was laughing the red-head replys "
i saw the blonde coming back with 5 watermelons"

Take this job and shove it.

They can all shove their bills up their arse.

Tony was a typical forward in the football team - big and tough. But he was in trouble. He had put on too much weight and was told if he didn't lose some quickly, he'd be dropped from the team. He consulted a doctor at the sports clinic.

"We're testing a new method of weight reduction" said the Dr, "and we'd like you to try it out. You can eat as anything you like, and as much as you like, but instead of eating it, you must consume it anally." "What! Shove it up my arse?" asked Tony. "That's right" the Dr replied, "but there is one possible side effect... there's a 50% chance you may become homosexual." Tony was very concerned about this but really wanted to be on the team so he agreed.

Three weeks later, Tony returned to the Dr looking trim and fitter. "This is great!" he said. "I can eat anything I like. All I do is shove it up me bum!". "And you look great!" said the Dr "any more...