Sites Jokes / Recent Jokes
A bus driver is conducting a tour of famous Civil War battle sites. “Here, ” he points out at one spot, “is where the Southern troops routed a whole regiment of Yankees.
Over there, the Rebs wiped out a whole platoon of Yanks. Down about a mile, there's
another valley where we captured a thousand Union soldiers. ”
A tourist says, “Didn't the North ever win a battle? ”
“Yes, ma'am. But not while I'm driving this bus. ”
READY-MADE RESOLUTIONS FOR INTERNETers - 1998
* Stop neglecting children; at least learn their names and birthdays
* Stop circulating the "Good Times Virus" and "Join the Crew" e-mail
* Read all of the mail from all of the lists I have subscribed to
* Limit my subscriptions of lists to a maximum of fifty
* Back-up 4 gig hard drive weekly; well, maybe at least monthly
* Not rush to any ftp site as soon as I hear of a new Beta
* Insist that all "ten best" lists be strictly limited to ten
* Not buy magazines with AOL disks just to get another 1. 44MB disk
* Answer Snail Mail with the same enthusiasm & promptness as e-mail
* Spend less than two hours a day on the Web; on new sites anyway
* Try the e-mail version of the Mrs. Fields cookie recipe
* Promise when I hear "Where do you want to go today?", I won't laugh
* Think of a password other than "password" to use on web more...
20 Signs You've Been on Campus too Long
You...
Think that McDonald's/Burger King is "real food."
Know more than 5 uses for milk crates.
Can give a guided tour to anyone after 2 weeks.
Call home and think it's a wrong number.
Call your best friend's house and think it's the right number to your house.
Can sing your school's fight song after only one weekend.
Think that going to the mall is a special trip.
Start doing homework.
Have conversations about homework.
Know your roomie's life like it was your own.
Ask your girlfriend "out" to the campus restaurant.
Stay in the dorm for weekends.
Call your dorm room "home."
Have a list of carbon copies as long as I do for one piece of E-Mail.
Start thinking that the only people left on earth are the people who go to your college/university.
Can recommend web sites to your friends.
Know about more web sites than Yahoo!
Want to be Greek, even more...
New domain names being proposed:
10..trekcontains audio files of William Shatner
9..billMicrosoft has bought this company
8..lovefor people who would rather cuddle
7..slowbased in a distant country with no T3 lines
6..geekassumes you know what all the acronyms mean
5..404we stopped maintaining our servers in 1996
4..y2kcontains theories about the end of the world
3..burnhuge multimedia files will crash your computer
2..*contains allegations about President Clinton's sex life
1..duhexplains, in detail, stuff you already know
And here are even more new domain names being proposed:
.spamSites which offer to sell you everything you don't want
.buzExcessive use of Java Scripts
.aniHeavy use of animated GIFs
.hotThe most current, up-to-date sites
.oldSites which are updated about once a year
.carData on the automotive industry
.dogSites for dog lovers; or really ugly people
.catFeline fanatics (not to be confused more...
' Wiiiiilliam Gaaaates...'
'Oh, hi, Satan. What's up downstairs?'
'It's tiiiiime...'
'Yeah, but we're still debugging Memphis, and Ballmer swears he'll wipe out Adobe before lunch, and Melinda wants to change the tile in the third-floor kitchen again, and...'
'Sorry, Bill. I've given you too many extensions already, not to mention the Oracle8 launch event disaster, not to mention Steve Jobs' head on a platter.'
'Yeah, that was a good one. I think you enjoy this as much as I...'
'Regardless, a deal's a deal. Your soul is mine, Bill Gates. And today is the day you pay your eternal debt to me.'
'Now, let's be reasonable here, Satan...'
'Reasonable?!? You want reasonable?!? You're the richest man in the world! You've got a beautiful wife and daughter! Microsoft is the most powerful company on the planet! We're even using NT to run hell's WAN server! And frankly, it sucks. That's one of the reasons I've more...