Slap Jokes / Recent Jokes

Your mother's so fat, you could slap her butt and ride the waves.

Bragging about old times
Two men were boasting to each other about their old army days.
"Why, my outfit was so well drilled," declared one, "that when they presented arms all you could hear was slap, slap, click."
"Very good," conceded the other, "but when my company presented arms you'd just hear slap, slap, jingle."
"What was the jingle?" asked the first. "Oh," replied the other offhand, "just our medals."

Q. Why do doctors slap babies butts right after they're born?
A. To knock the penises off the smart ones.

Yo Mama is so fat slap her on the stomach and you can ride the waves!

1st SLAP
"Our ship has just lost 82% of its power, our captain's head fused with plexiglass and we have an eleven minute window to escape certain death. Let's go to bed together."
2nd SLAP
"The evil bad guy, who has demonstrated Superman-like strength, has just killed two of our crew. Let's split up and walk aimlessly through the ship looking for him."
3rd SLAP
"I just found an unknown, odd, bizarrely pulsating alien object. I'm gonna open it up and stick my hand in it to see what happens."
4th SLAP
"We just picked you up from an abandoned moon in deep space and you can read my mind, which no other human being has ever been able to do. Neat. Let's go to bed."
5th SLAP
"We are a medical rescue ship with a crew of six with only six 'jump pods' so if we ever actually rescued anyone, we wouldn't be able to actually bring them home."
SLAP!!!

A pakistani, a lady and a sardarji were travelling in a train one time. The train was going through a long tunnel and while in the dark suddenly there is a sound of a big kiss, which is followed by the sound of a slap.

When the train comes out of the tunnel, everyone sees that the pakistani guy's cheek is swollen red.

Now, the pakistani looks around confused and thinks,'that sardarji must have tried to kiss the lady and she slapped me instead of him.'

The lady wonders,' that pakistani guy must have been trying to kiss me and must have kissed the sardarji by mistake!'

And our dear old sardarji is thinks,' i hope we run into another tunnel so i can make another kissing sound and slap the damn pakistani!'

Bill Clinton, George Bush, a spectacular looking blonde woman and an enormously large woman with an unfriendly scowl are in a train car. The train passes through a tunnel, and in the darkness the unmistakable sound of a slap is heard. As the train pulls out of the tunnel, the daylight reveals a big red slap mark on Clinton's cheek.

The blond thinks: "That rascal Clinton wanted to touch me and by mistake, he must have put his hand on the fat lady, who must have slapped his face"

The fat lady thinks: "That dirty old Bill Clinton touched the blonde and she smacked him."

Bill Clinton thinks: "George put his hand on that blonde and by mistake she slapped me."

George Bush thinks: "I hope there's another tunnel soon so I can smack Clinton again."