Soap Jokes / Recent Jokes

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:
On a Sear's hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???....)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well... duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (... and you thought????...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time)?
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: more...

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
On Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping".
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair)
On a bag of Fritos: "You could be winner! No purchase necessary.Details inside".
(Evidently, the shoplifter special)
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap."
(And that would be how... ?)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestions: Defrost."
(But it's *just* a suggestion)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box) "Do not turn upside down".
(Oops, too late!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating".
(As night follows the day...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body".
(But wouldn't this save even more time?)
On Boot's more...

The following coorespondence actually occurred between a London hotel's staff and one of its guests. The London hotel involved submitted this to the Sunday Times. No name was mentioned.
Dear Maid,
Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom since I have bought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way.
Thank you, S. Berman
Dear Room 635,
I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as your requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind. This leaves only the 3 bars I left today which my instructions from the management is to leave 3 soaps daily. I hope this is satisfactory.
Kathy, Relief Maid.
Dear Maid,
I hope you are my more...

Doctor: And did you drink your medicine after your bath, Mrs Soap? Mrs Soap: No, doctor. By the time Id drunk the bath there wasnt room for medicine.

Two male priests are having baths in different tubs next to each other. In between the tubs is one soap dish, without any soap in it. So one of the priests goes to get some soap from the Cathedral bathroom. As he is walking back with the soap naked, three visitors are walking through the halls. One of them is a pervert.

The priest sees them and stops like he's dead with the soap in his hands. The perverted visitor looks and says, "Hey! Look at that statue! I'm gonna yank it's dick!" So he goes over and yanks it. The priest drops one of the bars of soap. "Oh look. A soap dispenser," the perverted guy says.

So the other visitors, a girl and boy go over to the priest. The other guy yanks his dick. The priest drops another bar of soap. "Yeah it is a soap dispenser," the guy says.

So the girl decides to join in. She yanks his dick. Surprised, she says, "Oh look! Hand lotion!"

The following letters are taken from an actual incident between a London hotel and one of its guests. The hotel ended up submitting the letters to the London Sunday Times. This is long, but funny!
Dear Maid,
Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way.
Thank you,
S. Berman
~~~~~~
Dear Room 635,
I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as you requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind. This leaves only the 3 bars I left today which my instructions from the management is to leave 3 soaps daily. I hope this is satisfactory.
Kathy,
Relief more...

Q: Why did the Navy switch to liquid soap? A: It's harder to pick up.