Sri Jokes / Recent Jokes

Three contractors were visiting a tourist attraction on the same day. One was from USA, another from India, and the third from Sri Lanka. At the end of the tour, the guard asked them what they did for a living.
When they all replied that they were contractors the guard said, "Hey, we need one of the rear fences redone. Why don't you guys take a look at it and give me a bid?" So to the back fence they all went.
First to step up was the amarican contractor. He took out his tape, measured and pulled out the palm top, did some calculations and said, "Well I figure the job will run about 900 dollars. 400 for materials, 400 for my crew, and 100 profit for me."
Next was the Indian contractor. He also took out his tape measure and pencil, did some quick figuring and said, "Looks like I can do this job for 700. 300 for materials, 300 for my crew, and 100 profit for me."
Without doing any measuring and calulations, the Sri Lankan contractor more...

Udurawana -why are all these people running?
Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
Udurawana - If only the winner will get the cup, why are others running?
-One day Udurawana visited a museum with a foreign visitor. The visitor saw a big skull and asked what that was.
Udurawana said "that was the skull of King Sri Wickrama Rajasinghe".
After a few miniutes, the visitor saw another small skull of a monkey and asked udurawana what that was.
Udurawana said " that is when the king was young".
One morning, Mrs. Udurawana caught her husband searching high and low all around his living room.
Mrs. Udurawana:"What are you searching for?"
Mr. Udurawana: "Hidden camaras!"
Mrs. Udurawana: "And what makes you think that there are hidden camaras here?"
Mr. Udurawana: "That guy on TV knows exactly what I am doing. Every few minutes he keeps saying, "You are watching more...

How the World Cup 2003 was won:
Super Six: Australia, India, Kenya, Sri Lanka, New Zealand and Zimbabwe. Only countries whose name ended with A went into the Semi-Finals. Australia
India
Kenya
Sri Lanka
(New Zealand and Zimbabwe did not have A at their end). Only countries whose names ended with IA went into the Final Australia India
(Kenya and Sri Lanka did not have IA at their end)
Who took the Cup? : Kisne World Cup "Lia"? Austra"lia"!
Who gave the Cup? : Kisne World Cup "Dia"? In"dia"!

Pavement hawkers in Sri Lanka are wonderful charactors. They have strange language and interesting life style. I know so many stories about them.
A pavement guy who sells shirts shouting like a slogan " pita ne.... pita ne.." The instant meaning is " not available for that cheap price". But the real meaning is "back part of the shirt is missing". The one who buys a shirt will realize the actual meaning at home.
One day when I was walking in front of the Ceylinco builing in Colombo I heard someone was shouting " ceylinco..... ceylinco.." I noticed a pavement guy is selling ladies' undergarments.(BRAS)
I asked him why he is shouting like that. He showed me a huge banner in front of the Ceylinco Insurance Co which says " BIG OR SMALL,,, WE PROTECT THEM ALL "
See how nice?

ULTRA MICRO CONSTITUTION OF THE DEMOCRATIC SOCIALIST REPUBLIC OF SRI LANKA

Section 1
Democratic Socialist Republic of Sri Lanka is an unitary
State Which Is Comprised of 24 Key Administrative District
Councils and their Sub Councils.
Section 2
All Laws relating to Citizenship, Matrimony, Inheritance and
Succession shall be governed by The General Law.
Section 3
English, Sinhala and Tamil shall be Official Languages.
Section 4
There shall be The Freedom of Speech, Expression and
Publication and The Freedom of Worship.
Section 5
All Levels of Health, Education and Industry are open to
Private Sector Investors.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Regards,
ULTRA MICROS

1) TV'S GALORE
Udurawana is buying a TV."Do you have colour TVs?"
"Sure."
"Give me a green one, please."
2) Flying High
Udurawana calls Air Lanka.
"How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?"
"Just a second," says the rep.
"Thank you." says the Udurawana and cuts the line.
3) EMPLOYMENT.
Udurawana was filling up an application form
for a job. He filled the columns titled NAME, AGE,
ADDRESS etc. Then he came to the column Salary
Expected: After much thought he wrote: Yes
4) CROCODILE BOOTS.
Udurawana proposes to a woman. She says yes if you
bring me a pair of crocodile boots. He sets off
to Africa and disappears. Finally a search team
found him hunting a huge crocodiles. He walks
over to the reptile, checks its legs and angrily exclaims
"70th damn croc and this bugger is also barefeet!"
5) Thermos
Udurawana more...

In Sri Lanka we have this MP from Hali Ela, (presently minister of Justice and Buddha Sasana) W J M Lokubandara, who Sinhalised his initials to match whatever names he has, so now he is Wee Ja Moo Lokubandara. He had this programme in schools also to doctor initials.

WeeJayMoo once had gone to a school armed with overhead projector OHP) etc, dislodged lady teacher and asked students thier names. Here is a conversation that he had,

Wee Jee Moo: " oyage nama kiyanna".
Kid: "Mama L. B. Ratnayake".

Wee Jee Moo: "putha L. B. kiyanne mokak-da".
Kid: "Loku Banda".

Wee Jee Moo: "Meeta passay oya L. B. Ratnayake nemey, oya LoBa Ratnayake".

He asked another student
Wee Ja Moo: Putha kiyanna oyage sam-poorna nama
Kid: mage name PUlasthi Kankanamge Kapila Lucas Fernando
Wee Ja Moo: putha, ada indala oyage nama. Pu Ka KaLu Fernando
Another Kid: Sir mage nama K. N more...