Stab Jokes / Recent Jokes

I was a chubby kid. My parents sent me to fat camp. I was nervous, but my big brother said, "As soon as you get there, stab the fattest kid you see. No-one will mess with you." I get off the bus at fat camp and some kid runs straight up and stabs me.

It was near the end of basic training and all the soldiers were getting ready for the war games.
A private came charging into his Lieutenant's office and said " Lieutenant, I lost my rifle. What am I going to use for the war games?"
"I don't have time to deal with this right now" the lieutenant thought.
He grabbed a broom and handed it to the solder. "Here us this instead."
"How is this going to work?"
"When you see the bad guys coming at you, just point it at them and say 'Bangity Bang Bang'".
So the private ran out with his new "rifle". But soon he came running back to the Lieutenant saying "Lieutenant, I can't find my bayonet!"
The Lieutenant grabbed a pencil off his desk and gave it the private. "When you see the bad guys coming just hold this up and say 'Stabity Stab Stab.'"
So the private was all ready for his war games. He was sitting in his fox hole minding his own more...

Seems there was a young soldier, who, just before battle, told his sergeant that he didn't have a rifle.
"That's no problem, son," said the sergeant. "Here, take this broom. Just point it at the Germans, and go' Bangety Bang Bang'."
"But what about a bayonet, Sarge?" asked the young (and gullible) recruit.
The sergeant pulls a piece of straw from the end of the broom, and attaches it to the handle end. "Here, use this... just go,' Stabity Stab Stab'."
The recruit ends up alone on the battlefield, holding just his broom. Suddenly, a German soldier charges at him.
The recruit points the broom. "Bangety Bang Bang!" The German falls dead. More Germans appear. The recruit, amazed at his good luck, goes "Bangety Bang Bang! Stabity Stab Stab!" He mows down the enemy by the dozens.
Finally, the battlefield is clear, except for one German soldier walking slowly toward him. "Bangety Bang Bang! shouts more...

It is illegal to stab yourself to gain someone`s pity.(Dumb Laws - Alabama)

An Army base staff that was planning war games did not want to use live ammunition. Instead they informed the men: "In place of a rifle, you go' Bang, bang'. In place of a knife you go,' Stab, stab'.

In place of a hand grenade you go,' Lob, lob.'"

The game was in progress when one of the soldiers saw one of the enemy. He went, "Bang, bang," but nothing happened. He ran forward and went "Stab, stab" but nothing happened. He ran back and went "Lob, lob,"but nothing happened. Finally he walked up to the enemy and said, "You are not playing fair. I went,' Bang, bang,' and' Stab, stab,' and' Lob, lob,' and you haven't fallen dead yet!"

The enemy responded, "Rumble, rumble. I'm a tank."