Staring Jokes / Recent Jokes

A cab driver picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring and he replies,
"I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you."
She answers: "My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."
"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."
She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2 you must be a Catholic."
The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!" The nun says, "OK, pull into the next alley." He does and the nun fulfills his fantasy. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. "My dear child." said the nun, more...

A very modest man was in hospital undergoing a series of tests, the last of which left his bodily functions extremely upset. After making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he figured that the latest episode was just that, so remained where he was. However, he suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was so embarrassed he was unable to remain rational. In a complete loss of composure, he jumped out of bed, gathered the sheets and threw them out of the hospital window.
A drunk was walking by the hospital at that precise moment and the sheets landed on him. The drunk began yelling, cursing and swinging his arms violently in an attempt to free himself of the sheets which finally ended up in a tangled pile at his feet.
As he stood there staring down at the sheets, a hospital security guard who had witnessed the entire incident, approached him and asked, "What's going on here?"
The drunk, still staring down at the pile at his feet, replied, "I'm not more...

George W. Bush was walking through an airport last week, when he saw an old man with white hair, a long white beard, wearing a long white robe and holding a staff. He walked up to the man, who was staring at the ceiling, and "Excuse me sir, aren't you Moses?"
The man stood perfectly still and continued to stare at the ceiling, saying nothing. Again, George W. asked, a little louder this time, "Excuse me sir, aren't you Moses?" Again, the old man stared at the ceiling motionless without saying a word. George W. tried a third time, louder yet. "Excuse me sir, aren't you Moses?" Again, no movement or words from the old man. He continued to stare at the ceiling.
One of George W's aides asked him if there was a problem, and George W. said, "Either this man is deaf or extremely rude. I have asked him three times if he was Moses, and he has not answered me yet." To which the man, still staring at the ceiling finally replied to the aide, "I more...

Eating with Children

A guy hosted a dinner party for people from work, including his boss.

All during the sit-down dinner, the host's three-year-old girl stared at her father's boss sitting across from her. The girl could hardly eat her food from staring.

The man checked his tie, felt his face for food, patted his hair in place, but nothing stopped her from staring at him. He tried his best to just ignore her but, finally it was too much for him.

He asked her, "Why are you staring at me?"

Everyone at the table had noticed her behavior and the table went quiet for her response.

The little girl said, "My Daddy said you drink like a fish and I don't want to miss it!"

George W. Bush was walking through an airport last week, when he saw
an old man with white hair, a long white beard, wearing a long white
robe and holding a staff. He walked up to the man, who was staring at
the ceiling, and asked, "Excuse me sir, aren't you Moses?"
The man stood perfectly still and continued to stare at the ceiling,
saying nothing.
Again, George W. asked, a little louder this time, "Excuse me sir,
aren't you Moses?"
Again, the old man stared at the ceiling motionless without saying a
word.
George W. tried a third time, louder yet, "Excuse me sir, aren't you
Moses?"
Again, no movement or words from the old man. He continued to stare at
the ceiling.
One of George W.'s aides asked him if there was a problem, and George
W. said, "Either this man is deaf or extremely rude. I have asked him
three times if he was Moses, and he has not answered me yet."
To which the more...

A man sat down and was seriously staring at the marriage certificate, after a long time his wife asked, "What are you looking for? He replied, "The expiration date."

A guy walks into a bar, and there’s a horse behind the bar serving drinks. The guy is staring at the horse, when the horse says, “Hey buddy? What are you staring at? Haven’t you ever seen a horse serving drinks before? ” The guy says, “No, it’s not that… it’s just that I never thought the parrot would sell the place. ”