Staring Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two women at an art exhibition were staring at a painting entitled, 'Home For Lunch'. The painting was of three totally naked, very black men, sitting on a park bench. What was unusual about the painting was that the men on both ends of the bench had black penises, but the man in the middle had a very pink penis.
The women just stood there in front of it, staring and scratching their heads, trying to figure it out. Just then, the artist walked by and noticed their confusion. "Can I help you with this painting?" he asked.
"Well, yes," one woman said. "We're very curious about the picture of the black men on the bench. Why does the man in the middle have a pink penis?"
"Oh, I'm afraid you've misunderstood the painting," the artist explained. "The three men are not African-Americans, they're coal miners, and the man in the middle went 'Home For Lunch'."

An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his system upset. Upon making several false-alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest was another, and stayed put. He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational. Losing his presence of mind, he jumped up, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window. A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms wildly, which left the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet. As the drunk stood there staring down at the sheets, a security guard, who had watched the whole incident, walked up and asked, "What the hell was that all about?" Still staring down, the drunk replied, "I think I just beat the crap out of a ghost!"

A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: "Pint please, and one for the road."

A dog walks into this bar, jumps up on the stool and says to the bartender, "Hey barkeep, it's my birthday today. How' bout a free drink?"
The bartender turns, looks at the dog and nods his head, "Sure pal, toilet's right down the hall."

A guy walks into a bar, and there's a horse behind the bar serving drinks. The guy is staring at the horse, when the horse says, "Hey buddy? What are you staring at? Haven't you ever seen a horse serving drinks before?"
The guy says, "No, it's not that... it's just that I never thought the parrot would sell the place."

So a dyslexic walks into a bra. . .

A chicken walks into a bar. The bartender says "We don't serve poultry!"
The chicken says "That's OK I just want a drink."

Two cannibals walk into a bar and more...

Ok, there's this guy in a bar, sitting at the bar, just looking at his drink. He sits, staring at his drink for over half-an-hour, not talking and barely moving. Then, a big macho guy who has been Playing pool takes notice of our friend at the bar, noticing our friend just staring at his drink for a long time. This is driving Mr. macho crazy so he walks up to the bar, grabs the drink and chugs it right down. The poor man who has been sitting at the bar starts crying.
Mr. Macho says: - "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't see a man crying".
Our friend at the bar replies: - "No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I oversleep this morning and go late to my office. My boss, outraged, fires me. When I leave the building and go to my car, I found out it was stolen. And the police say they can do nothing to find my car. I get a cab to return home, and after I get out of the cab, I remember I left my wallet more...

I was staring at a woman in the store today, and she was staring right back at me. So I thought, alright, that's probably a man.

Two elderly women were staring at the numbers of the floors listed above the elevator door. When asked if they needed any assistance with something, one asked how they were going to be able to reach way up there to push the button for their floor.

Two elderly women were staring at the numbers ofthe floors listed above the elevator door. When askedif they needed any assistance with something, oneasked how they were going to be able to reach way upthere to push the button for their floor.