Staring Jokes / Recent Jokes

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.
156. Carve a jack-o-lantern. Complain to your roommate that the jack-o-lantern has been staring at you. The next day, tell your roommate that the jack-o-lantern thinks he/she has been staring at it. Confide in your roommate that you really don't like the jack-o-lantern, but you can't convince it to move out.

One Sunday morning, the priest saw little Davey staring up at the large plaque that hung in the church's foyer. The plaque was covered with names and small American flags were mounted on either side of it. "Father Donovan," the boy asked, "what is this? "Well, son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service," the priest explained. They stood together quietly, staring at the memorial plaque. Little Davey softly asked, "Which service? The 9: 00 or the 10: 30?"

Staring down from the bench to announce the terms of thedivorce decree, the judge turned to the husband and said:"I'm going to award her alimony in the amount of $250 a month." To which the woman's about-to-be ex replied: "That's mightykind of you, judge. I'll try to help her all I can, too."

One Sunday morning the pastor noticed little Johnny was standing staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. The young man of seven had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up and stood beside him and gazing up at the plaque he said quietly, “Good morning son. ” “Good morning pastor” replied the young man not taking his eyes off the plaque. “Sir, what is this? ” Johnny asked. “Well son, these are all the people who have died in the service, ” replied the pastor. Soberly, they stood together staring up at the large plaque. Little Johnny’s voice barely broke the silence when he asked quietly, “Which one sir, the 8: 30 or the 10: 30 service? ”

Ok, there's this guy in a bar, sitting at the bar, just looking at his drink. He sits, staring at his drink for over half-an-hour, not talking and barely moving. Then, a big macho guy who has been Playing pool takes notice of our friend at the bar, noticing our friend just staring at his drink for a long time. This is driving Mr. macho crazy so he walks up to the bar, grabs the drink and chugs it right down. The poor man who has been sitting at the bar starts crying.

Mr. Macho says: - "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't see a man crying".

Our friend at the bar replies: - "No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I oversleep this morning and go late to my office. My boss, outraged, fires me. When I leave the building and go to my car, I found out it was stolen. And the police say they can do nothing to find my car. I get a cab to return home, and after I get out of the cab, I remember I more...

Punk and the Old Fart
There was an old man in a bar who was staring at a punk in the corner. The punk had multicolored, spiked hair and multicolored feather earings.
After a while the punk got mad and said to the old man "What are you staring at?"
"Back when I was in the army I got really drunk one night and fucked a parrot.
I was wondering if you were my son."

A guy walks into a bar, and there's a horse behind the bar serving drinks. The guy is staring at the horse, when the horse says, "Hey buddy? What are you staring at? Haven't you ever seen a horse serving drinks before?"

The guy says, "No, it's not that... it's just that I never thought the parrot would sell the place."