Steak Jokes / Recent Jokes

Attempt To Spend 5 Years Working At Mcdonalds, And Not Get Promoted.

Ensure That Any Promotions You Do Get Are From Stepping On The Dead Bodies Of Your Co-Workers.

Needle Gun The Aluminum Siding On Your House After Your Neighbors Have Gone To Bed.

When Your Children Are In Bed, Run Into Their Room With A Megaphone, And Shout At The Top Of Your Lungs That Your Home Is Under Attack, And Order Them To Man Their Battle Stations. ("General Quarters, General Quarters, All Hands Man Your Battle Stations!")

Make Your Family Menu A Month Ahead Of Time And Do So Without Checking The Pantry And Refrigerator.

Post A Menu On The Refrigerator Door Informing Your Family That You Are Having Steak For Dinner. Then Make Them Wait In Line For At Least An Hour, When They Finally Get To The Kitchen, Tell Them That You Are Out Of Steak, But You Have Dried Ham Or Hot Dogs. Repeat Daily Until They Don't Pay Attention To The Menu Any More So more...

A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The barman charges him 10 cents. Confused, but not complaining, the man pays.
After a while he decides to have another, and some food, so he orders another beer and a steak. The barman charges him 25 cents, 10 for the beer and 15 for the food.
After finishing his food and drink, he calls the barman over and says, "Mate, that was the best steak I've ever had. I want to talk to the manager and thank him."
"No problem," says the barman. "He's upstairs with my wife." "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?" asks the man.
"Probably the same thing I'm doing to his business down here!"

And how did you find your steak sir? Well, quite accidentally. I moved this tomato slice and there it was

A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered with his thumb over the meat. "Are you crazy?" yelled the customer, "with your hand on my steak?" "What" answers the waiter, "You want it to fall on the floor again?"

Every 14th of February you get the chance to display your fondness for your wife or girlfriend by showering her with gifts, flowers, dinner, shows and any other baubles that women find romantic.
Secret...guys feel left out. That's right...left out. There's no special holiday for the ladies to show their appreciation for the men in their life. Men as a whole are either too proud or just too embarrassed to admit it. Which is why a new holiday has been created.
March 20th is now officially "Steak & Blowjob Day."
Simple, effective and self-explanatory...this holiday has been created so your ladies can have a day to show your man just how much you love him. No cards, no flowers, no special nights on the town-the name of the holiday explains it all...just a steak and a BJ. That's it.
This twin pairing of Valentine's Day and Steak & Blowjob Day will usher in a new age of love as men everywhere will try THAT much harder in February to ensure a more memorable March! more...

Carole and Sue, two friends who always argued about which one was more polite, were dining together. Both had ordered a steak dinner. As soon as the waiter brought the dinners to their table, Carole grabbed the plate that had the larger steak on it.
"Why did you take that one?" Sue asked. "That certainly wasn't very polite."
"Well, which one would you have taken?" asked Carole.
"I would have done the polite thing and taken the smaller one, of course," snapped Sue.
"Then what's the problem? That's the one you got!" Carole replied.

For HER

08: 15 Wake up to hugs and kisses

08: 30 Weigh in 2kg lighter than yesterday

08: 45 Breakfast in bed, freshly squeezed orange juice and croissants; open presents expensive jewellery chosen by thoughtful partner.

09: 15 Soothing hot bath with frangipani oil

10: 00 Light workout at club with handsome, funny personal trainer

10: 30 Facial, manicure, shampoo, condition, blow dry

12: 00 Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor cafe

12: 45 Catch sight of husband's/boyfriend's ex and notice that she has gained 7 kg

13: 00 Shopping with friends. Unlimited credit.

15: 00 Nap

16: 00 3 dozen red roses delivered by florist from a secret admirer

16: 15 Light workout at club followed by massage from strong but gentle hunk who says that he rarely gets to work on such a perfect body

17: 30 Choose outfit from expensive, designer wardrobe. Parade in more...