Struck Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two men are having a good time in a bar. Outside, there's a terrible thunderstorm. Finally, one of the men thinks that it's time to leave. Since he has drunk a lot, he decides to walk home.
"But aren't you afraid of being struck by lightning?" his friend asks.
"Not at all. Statistics shows that, in this part of the country, one person per year gets struck by lightning - and that one person died in the hospital three weeks ago."

Jett was trying to light a match. He struck the first one and it didn't work, so he threw it away. He struck the second match. That didn't work either, so he tossed it. Jett struck the third one and it lit up. "That's a good one!" said the idiot, blowing it out. "Ah'm gonna save it!"

The following are actual statements found on insurance forms where car drivers attempted to summarize the details of an accident in the fewest possible word.
Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I dont have.
The other collided with mine without giving warning of its intention.
I thought my window was down, but I found out it was up when I put my head through it.
I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.
A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.
A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.
In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.
I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprung up, obscuring my vision and I did not see the more...

there once was a sales clerk named John, while at work his boss asked him to make a dilivery. Hey having the othmost respect for his boss accepted the job and set of
while driving about half way there his car tire blew out. having no spare he walked to the nearest auto shop and bought one. once he returned he discovered that his car was gone. onlyn the flat tire was left he thought to himself and said (things cant get any worse) he started walkinng. while walking a man in a car stopped and offered him a ride. he gleefully accepted.
while driving the car skidded off the road and crashed, the gas from the tank was leaking and was ignighted by a spark and it blew up tearing off most of Johns clothes, and killing the driver. walking alone on this lonel road, with only peices of clothes and his wallet, he thought to himself (things cant get any worse) then it started to rain and he said once again (things cant get any worse) then he was struck by a bolt of lightening. after more...

A man is struck by a bus on a busy street in in New York City. He lies dying on the sidewalk as a crowd of spectators gathers around."A priest. Somebody get me a priest!" the man gasps. A policemanchecks the crowd----no priest, no minister, no man of God of any kind."A PRIEST, PLEASE!" the dying man says again. Then out of thecrowd steps a little old Jewish man of at least eighty years of age."Mr. Policeman," says the man, "I'm not a priest. I'm not evena Catholic. But for fifty years now I'm living behind St. Elizabeth'sCatholic Church on First Avenue, and every night I'm listeningto the Catholic litany. Maybe I can be of some comfort to this man."The policeman agreed and brought the octogenarian over to wherethe dying man lay. He kneels down, leans over the injured and saysin a solemn voice:"Under the B, 4. Under the I, 19. Under the N, 38. Under the G, 54. Under the O, 72.. . "

Two local men were seriously injured when their pick-up truck left the road and struck a tree near Cotton Patch on State Highway 38 early Monday morning. Woodruff County Deputy Davey Snyder reported the accident shortly after midnight Monday.
Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock, are listed in serious condition at Baptist Medical Center.
The accident occurred as the two men were returning to Des Arc after a frog gigging trip. On an overcast Sunday night, Poole's pick-up truck headlights malfunctioned. The two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the older model truck had burned out. As a replacement fuse was not available, Wallis noticed that the .22 caliber bullet from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box next to the steering wheel column.. Upon inserting the bullet, the headlights again began to operate properly and the two men proceeded east-bound toward the White River Bridge.
After traveling approximately 20 miles and just more...

The following are actual statements found in insurance forms where drivers attempted to summarize the details of an accident in the fewest words.

Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.
I thought my window was down, but I found out it was up when I put my head through it.
A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.
A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
The guy was all over the road, I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother- in-law, and headed over the embankment.
I attempted to kill a fly, and I drove into a telephone pole.
I had been driving for forty years, when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.
I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble and my universal joint gave way, causing me to have an accident.
To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the more...