Struck Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man goes to the confessional. "Forgive me father, for I have sinned."

"What is your sin, my son?" the priest asks back.

"Well," the man starts, "I used some horrible language this week and feel absolutely terrible."

"When did you use this awful language?" asks the priest.

"Well, I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it was going to go over 280 yards, but it struck a phone line that was hanging over the fairway and fell straight down to the ground after going only about 100 yards."

"Is that when you swore?"

"No, Father," says the man. "After that, a squirrel ran out of the bushes and grabbed my ball in his mouth and began to run away."

"Is THAT when you swore?" asks the Father again.

"Well, no." says the man. "You see, as the squirrel was running, an eagle came more...

A man goes to the confessional and begins "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned." "What is your sin, my son?" the priest asks back." Well," the man starts, "I used some horrible language this week and I feel absolutely terrible." "When did you use this awful language?" asks the priest." I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it was going to go over 250 yards, but it struck a phone line that was hanging over the fairway and fell straight down to the ground after going only about 100 yards." "Is that when you swore?" "No, Father," says the man." After that, a squirrel ran out of the bushes and grabbed my ball in his mouth and began to run away." "Is THAT when you swore?" asks the Father again. "Well, no," says the man." You see, as the squirrel was running, an eagle came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons and began to fly more...

Jett was trying to light a match. He struck the first one and it didnt work, so he threw it away. He struck the second match. That didnt work either, so he tossed it. Jett struck the third one and it lit up. "Thats a good one!" said the idiot, blowing it out. "Ahm gonna save it!"

(CIM) The Netherlands: Doctor Huizenaas of the Rotterdam Animal Research Institute has successfully trained a cat not to eat food. His research followed an unsuccessful attempt by Professor Egon Spuunrais to achieve this same goal.
Prof Spuunrais' failed experiment was based on the use of positive reinforcement. The cat was shown food, and if it refused to eat it, the animal was rewarded by a tasty tidbit. His conclusions were widely ridiculed, predominantly for the absence of a control.
Dr Huizenaas formulated a more rigorous test based on negative reinforcement, and including a control animal which did not receive the punishment.
In the Huizenaas experiment, whenever the test animal accepted food it was struck on the head by a small steel mallet. At first, the cat's behaviour was unaffected by this, but after some adjustments to the force of the blow, it was observed that the cat became progressively less interested in the food and indeed was often seen to shake its more...

The following are actual statements found in insurance forms where drivers attempted to summarize the details of an accident in the fewest words.
Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.
I thought my window was down, but I found out it was up when I put my head through it.
A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.
A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
The guy was all over the road, I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother- in-law, and headed over the embankment.
I attempted to kill a fly, and I drove into a telephone pole.
I had been driving for forty years, when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.
I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble and my universal joint gave way, causing me to have an accident.
To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian.
An invisible more...

The following are actual statements found in insurance forms where drivers attempted to summarize the details of an accident in the fewest words.Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.I thought my window was down, but I found out it was up when I put my head through it.A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.The guy was all over the road, I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother- in-law, and headed over the embankment.I attempted to kill a fly, and I drove into a telephone pole.I had been driving for forty years, when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble and my universal joint gave way, causing me to have an accident.To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian.An invisible car come out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.I more...

The following are actual statements found on Insurance Forms where car drivers attempted to summuarise the details of an accident in the fewest possible words. The instance of faulty writing serve to confirm that even incompetent writing can be highly entertaining.
Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.
The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention.
I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it.
I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.
A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.
The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.
In an attempt to kill a fly I drove into a telephone pole.
I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge more...