Struck Jokes / Recent Jokes

The following are actual statements found on insurance forms where car
drivers attempted to summarize the details of an accident in the fewest
words. These instances of faulty writing serve to confirm that even
incompetent writing may be highly entertaining.
Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.
The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intentions.
I thought my windows was done but I found out it was up when I put my head
through it.
I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.
A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.
A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I
hit him.
I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and
headed over the embankment.
In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.
I had been shopping for plants more...

The following are actual statements found on insurance forms where car
drivers attempted to summarize the details of an accident in the
fewest words. These instances of faulty writing serve to confirm that
even incompetent writing may be highly entertaining.
Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree
I don't have.
The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its
intentions.
I thought my windows was down but I found out it was up when I put
my head through it.
I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.
A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.
A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times
before I hit him.
I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law
and headed over the embankment.
In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.
I had been shopping for more...

The following are copies of ACTUAL written statements submitted to the police on report forms. (Or at leat they claim to be ACTUAL statements. - You be the judge.) The drivers were instructed to give a brief statement on the particulars of the accident in their own words.
Woman Driver(WD): Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't know.
Man Driver (MD): I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my Mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.
WD: The gentleman behind me struck me on the backside. He then went to rest in the bush with just his rear end showing.
MD: In any attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.
MD: I had been driving my car for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.
MD: An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my vehicle and vanished.
WD: The pedestrian had no idea which direction to go, so I ran over him.
WD: I saw the slow moving, sad faced old more...

The following are copies of actual written statements submitted to the police on report forms. The drivers were instructed to give brief statements on the particulars of the accident in their own words.
Here are some examples...
Woman Driver: I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.
Man Driver: A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.
Woman Driver: The guy was all over the road, I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
Man Driver: I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my Mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.
Man Driver: In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.
Man Driver: I had been driving my car for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had the accident.
Woman Driver: I saw the slow moving, sad face, old gentleman as he bounced off the hood of my car.
Woman Driver: I had been learning to drive with power steering. I turned the wheel to what I thought was more...

A man goes to the confessional and begins "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.""What is your sin, my son?" the priest asks back."Well," the man starts, "I used some horrible language this week and I feel absolutely terrible." "When did you use this awful language?" asks the priest."I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it was going to go over 250 yards, but it struck a phone line that was hanging over the fairway and fell straight down to the ground after going only about 100 yards.""Is that when you swore?" "No, Father," says the man."After that, a squirrel ran out of the bushes and grabbed my ball in his mouth and began to run away.""Is THAT when you swore?" asks the Father again. "Well, no," says the man."You see, as the squirrel was running, an eagle came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons and began to fly more...

A man goes to the confessional and begins, "Forgive me, Father, for I have
sinned."
"What is your sin, my son?" the priest asks back.
"Well," the man starts, "I used some horrible language this week and I
feel absolutely terrible."
"When did you use this awful language?" asks the priest.
"I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it was going
to go over 250 yards, but it struck a phone line that was hanging over the
fairway and fell straight down to the ground after going only about 100
yards."
"Is that when you swore?"
"No, Father," says the man.
"After that, a squirrel ran out of the bushes and grabbed my ball in his
mouth, and began to run away."
"Is that when you swore?" asks the priest again.
"Well, no," says the man. "You see, as the squirrel was running, an eagle
came down out of the more...

A man is struck by a bus on a busy street in in New York City. He lies dying
on the sidewalk as a crowd of spectators gathers around.
"A priest. Somebody get me a priest!" the man gasps. A policeman checks the
crowd-no priest, no minister, no man of God of any kind.
"A PRIEST, PLEASE!" the dying man says again. Then out of the crowd steps a
little old Jewish man of at least eighty years of age.
"Mr. Policeman," says the man, "I'm not a priest. I'm not even a Catholic.
But for fifty years now I'm living behind St. Elizabeth's Catholic Church
on First Avenue, and every night I'm listening to the Catholic litany. Maybe
I can be of some comfort to this man."
The policeman agreed and brought the octogenarian over to where the dying man
lay. He kneels down, leans over the injured and says in a solemn voice:
"Under the B, 4. Under the I, 19. Under the N, 38. Under the G, 54. Under
the O, more...