Sung Jokes / Recent Jokes
AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.
BULLETIN: 1. Parish information read only during the homily. 2. Catholic air conditioning. 3. Your receipt for attending Mass.
CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the Congregation to lip-sync.
HOLY WATER: A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY.
HYMN: A song of praise, usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation's range.
RECESSIONAL HYMN: The last song at Mass, often sung a little more quietly, since most of the people have already left.
INCENSE: Holy Smoke!
JESUITS: An order of priests known for their ability to found colleges with good basketball teams.
JONAH: The original "Jaws" story.
JUSTICE: When kids have kids of their own.
KYRIE ELIEISON: The only Greek words that most Catholics can recognize besides gyros and baklava.
MAGI: The most famous trio to attend a baby shower.
MANGER: 1. Where Mary gave birth to Jesus more...
One day, an Asian man, an American man, and Sung Hi Lee were on a train. Along the ride, there was a short but dark tunnel. When they entered the tunnel, a kissing sound, then a slapping sound was heard. Once outside, everyone could see a large red mark on the American's face. Sung Hi Lee thought, "That American probably tried to kiss me, but accidentally kissed the Asian, and he slapped him." The American thought, "The Asian tried to kiss Sung Hi Lee, and she tried to slap him, but accidentally slapped me." Now, the Asian thought, "That was great! Next ride, I'll kiss Sung Hi Lee
again, and slap the American!"
Teacher says to class: "I shall now read you some quotes. Whoever can tell me who said them, and when, they can go home early". Teacher: "Who said "We will fight them on the beaches"?" Lim Sung Wu: "Winston Churchill, 1942". Teacher: "Very good, you can go home right now, if you wish". Lim Sung Wu: "I will stay teacher, I'm going to be a doctor, and I need to learn all I can". Teacher: "Who said "I shall return"?" Sing Lam Po: "Douglas McArthur, 1944". Teacher: "Very good, you can go home right now, if you wish". Sing Lam Po: "I will stay teacher, I'm going to be a lawyer, and I need to learn all I can". Johnny, at the back of the room, mutters: "Bloody Asians". Teacher: "Who said that?" Johnny: "Pauline Hanson, 1996", and he runs out of the room, "I'm going home now, see you tomorrow, teacher".
After big tragedies the net often swims with humor about the people and event involved. Some people think this is a healing process, others find it in bad taste.
WARNING: DO NOT READ If think you might be offended by Sonny Bono death jokes.
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What do Cher and a 50 year old Redwood have in common?
They both got nailed by Sonny Bono. .
What's the difference between Al Gore and Sonny Bono?
One's a tree-hugging stiff...
and the other's a tree-hugging stiff.
That makes it...
TREES. ........ 2
Celebrites. ... 0
Death by snow:
Michael Kennedy,
Sonny Bono,
Chris Farley
What was the most surprising thing about the discovery of Sonny's body?
That he was recognized.
Why did Sonny die in a ski accident?
After being a mayor and a congressman, he wanted to be a Kennedy.
Police reported it was a quick more...
The principal singer of nineteenth-century opera was called pre-Madonna.It is easy to teach anyone to play the maracas. Just grip the neck and shake him in rhythm.Gregorian chant has no music, just singers singing the same lines.Sherbet composed the Unfinished Symphony.At one time singers had to use musicians to accompany them. Since synthesizers came along, singers can now play themselves.All female parts were sung by castrati. We don't know exactly what they sounded like because there are no known descendants.Young scholars have expressed their rapture for the Bronze Lullaby, the Taco Bell Cannon, Beethoven's Erotica, Tchaikovsky Cracknutter Suite, and Gershwin's Rap City in Blue.Music sung by two people at the same time is called a duel; if they sing without music it is called Acapulco.A virtuoso is a musician with real high morals.Contralto is a low sort of music that only ladies sing.Diatonic is a low calorie Schweppes.Probably the most marvellous fugue was the one between the more...
Once there was a man who wanted a pet. So he went to the pet shop to buy a bird that could sing. the owner siad ''this is an Amazon singing bird. If you put it over water it will sing a song about the sea. If you put it over the train tracks it will sing a song about working on rail road. But never put it over fire.'' So he took it to the lake and put over the water. The bird started to sing a pirates life. ''UHHHH I hate this song. so he took the bird from over the water. He did the same thing with the tracks the bird sung I've been working on the railroads.''UHHHHHH I hate this song too. hmmmm I wonder what would happen if I put him over fire. so he lit a match and the bird sung Chestnuts Roasting over an open fire.
(Sung to the tune of "Winter Wonderland")Doorbell rings, I'm not list'nin', From my mouth, drool is glist'nin', I'm happy -- althoughMy boss let me go --Happily addicted to the Web. All night long, I sit clicking, Unaware time is ticking, There's beard on my cheek, Same clothes for a week, Happily addicted to the Web! Friends come by; they shake me, Saying, "Yo, man! Don't you know tonight's the senior prom?"With a listless shrug, I mutter "No, man; I just discovered laugh-a-lot-dot-com!"I don't phone, don't send faxes, Don't go out, don't pay taxes, Who cares if somedayThey drag me away? I'm happily addicted to the Web! Happ-ilyyyyy, ad-dict-eeeed to the Weeeeeb!!! (Yeah!)