Supporting Jokes / Recent Jokes

Youve come to the annoying realization that your parents were right about almost everything.

The bag boy volunteers to help load groceries into your carin the ten items or less lane.

Youve stopped supporting your children, and started supporting your parents.

Youve found yourself discussing rain gutters.

You remember your kids names, just not always the right one.

You have nightmares about forgetting to move the garbage cans to the street for the garbage collector.

Your high school yearbook is now home to three different species of mold.

You buy age-defying makeup and antiwrinkle creams and believe they work.

Youve realized that all those geeky people in Bermuda shorts walking around Disney World include you.

You recognize Led Zeppelin songs that have been turned into elevator Muzak.

As a public service, you have agreed to never appear on the beach in a Speedo more...

The Oscars are here! The Oscars are here!

The single greatest night of year is coming, and that means it's time for me to tell you who will win! I'm good, you know it. Last year, I told you James Coburn would win, and you all laughed, and he won. WHY DO YOU DOUBT ME?

Many of you cling to the belief that the Oscar goes to the most deserving nominee. Get over yourself. Oscars have nothing to do with talent and everything to do with marketing. With that in mind, here is the list of who will win.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR OK, everyone loved the little kid in Sixth Sense. But the last time the Academy gave an award to a damn kid (Anna Paquin from The Piano) she vanished off the face of the Earth to concentrate on a spelling bee. Face it, they ain't gonna give an award to anyone who still worships the Power Rangers. How about Michael Clarke Duncan from The Green Mile? Too tall. Jude Law? Forget it, his name's Jude.

There are really only two possible more...

You've come to the annoying realization that your parents were right about almost everything.
The bag boy volunteers to help load groceries into your car—in the "ten items or less" lane.
You've stopped supporting your children, and started supporting your parents.
You've found yourself discussing rain gutters.
You remember your kid's names, just not always the right one.
You have nightmares about forgetting to move the garbage cans to the street for the garbage collector.
Your high school yearbook is now home to three different species of mold.
You buy "age-defying" makeup and "antiwrinkle" creams and believe they work.
You've realized that all those geeky people in Bermuda shorts walking around Disney World include you.
You recognize Led Zeppelin songs that have been turned into elevator Muzak.
As a public service, you have agreed to never appear on the beach in a Speedo again.
You've had three opportunities more...

You've come to the annoying realization that your parents were right about almost everything.The bag boy volunteers to help load groceries into your car-in the "ten items or less" lane.You've stopped supporting your children, and started supporting your parents.You've found yourself discussing rain gutters.You remember your kid's names, just not always the right one.You have nightmares about forgetting to move the garbage cans to the street for the garbage collector.Your high school yearbook is now home to three different species of mold.You buy "age-defying" makeup and "antiwrinkle" creams and believe they work.You've realized that all those geeky people in Bermuda shorts walking around Disney World include you.You recognize Led Zeppelin songs that have been turned into elevator Muzak.As a public service, you have agreed to never appear on the beach in a Speedo again.You've had three opportunities to buy every single Disney Animated Classic-"for the more...

Please join us in supporting the Republican National Committee`s nomination of George W. Bush and Dick Chenney as candidates for President and Vice President of the United States. From this day forward, all our efforts will be focused on the "Bush and Dick" campaign. Joining our campaign as national spokespersons are Ellen Degeneris who said publicly, "I like Bush," and Elton John who said publicly, "I like Dick." Also supporting the cause is Angelina Jolie who said publicly, "I like both Bush and Dick." If you wish to see a lot of Bush and Dick, please sign up to work for their election. For those of you who prefer Gore, the following bumper stickers are available: "Lick Bush in 2000."