Susie Jokes / Recent Jokes

A little girl asked her Mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?" Mom says, "No, because the dog is in heat." "What does that mean?" asked the child. "Go ask your father. I think he is in the garage."

The little girl went to the garage and asked "Dad, may I take Susie for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said that Susie was in heat, and to come talk to you."

Dad said, " Bring Susie over here" He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's rear-end with it and said, "Okay, you can go now, but keep Susie on the leash and only go one time around the block." The little girl left, and returned a few minutes later with NO DOG on the leash.

Dad asked, "Where is Susie?"

The little girl said, "She will be here in a minute, she ran out of gas about halfway down the block and another dog is pushing her home."

Little Johnny and Susie were only 10 years old, but they just knew that they were in love. One day they decided that they wanted to get married, so Johnny went to Susie's father to ask him for her hand. Johnny bravely walked up to him and said "Mr. Smith, me and Susie are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."
Thinking that this was the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replied, "Well Johnny, you are only 10. Where will you two live?" Without even taking a moment to think about it, Johnny replied "In Susie's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely."
Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith said with a huge grin, "Okay then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Susie." Again, Johnny instantly replied, "Our allowance... Susie makes 5 bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month, and that'll do us just fine." By this time Mr. more...

A teacher is reviewing her class' homework assignment. She asks Susie to stand up and tell the class what part of the human body enlarges to seven times its original size when stimulated. Susie stands up, shuffles her feet and says, "Well, I think I know, but I'm too embarrassed to tell you."

The teacher says, "Sit down, Susie. Johnny, tell the class what part of the human body enlarges to seven times its size when stimulated."

Johnny says, "That's easy. The pupil of the eye enlarges to seven times its original size when stimulated by light."

The teacher says, "That's right, Johnny." Then she turns to Susie and says, "Susie, first of all, you didn't do your homework. Second, you have a dirty mind. And third, when you get married, you're in for a big disappointment."

Little Johnny and Susie, each five years old, were playing house.
They both decided it was time to get married.

So Little Johnny went to Susie's dad to ask for her hand in marriage.
"Where will you live?" asked Susie's dad, thinking this was cute.
"Well," said Little Johnny, "I figured I could just move into Susie's room. It's plenty big for both of us."

"And how will you live?"
"I get $5 a week allowance and Susie gets $5 a week allowance.
That should be enough."

Getting exasperated since Little Johnny seems to know all the answers,
Susie's dad asked, "And what if little ones come along?"

"Well," said Little Johnny, "we've been lucky so far!"

Little Susie was Mommy's helper. She helped set the table when company was due for dinner. Soon, everything was on, Mr. Smythe the guest came in, and everyone sat down.
Then Mother noticed something was missing...
"Susie, dear," she said, "You didn't put a knife and fork at Mr. Smythe's place."
"But, Mommy, I thought he wouldn't need them," explained Susie. "Daddy says he always eats like a horse!"

A Sunday school teacher asked her class, "Who can tell me what part of the body gets to Heaven first?"
Three children raised their hand, Susie, Peter and Little Johnny. The teacher didn't want to call on Johnny, for fear he would say something bad, so she picked Susie first.
"I think your head gets to Heaven first because you have to be smart," answered Susie.
The teacher called on Peter next. "I think your heart gets to Heaven first because you have to have a good heart," said Peter.
Finally, Johnny was the only child with his hand up, so the teacher had no choice but to pick him.
"I think your feet get to Heaven first," Johnny proudly stated.
Breathing a sigh of relief, the teacher asked, "Johnny, why on earth do you think your feet get to Heaven first?"
"Because," Johnny explained, "when I walked into my Mom and Dad's room last night, Mom's feet were straight up in the air and she was more...

Little Susie came running into the house after school one day, shouting, "Daddy! Daddy! I got a 100 in school today!"

"That's great, Sweetheart," said her daddy.

"Come in to the living room and tell me about it."

"Well, "began the confession, "I got 50 in spelling, 30 in math's and 20 in science."