Taxidermist Jokes

1. You've ever cut your grass and found a car. 2. You own a home that is mobile and 5 cars that aren't. 3. You think the stock market has a fence around it. 4. Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Moonlight Drive-in-Theater. 5. You've ever lost a loved one to kudzu. 6. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years. 7. You own a homemade fur coat. 8. Chiggers are included on your list of top 5 hygiene concerns. 9. You burn your yard rather than mow it. 10. Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so Ican take a bath." 11. You refer to the time you won a free case of motor oil as "the day my ship came in." 12. You read the Auto Trader with a highlight pen. 13. The Salvation Army declines your mattress. 14. You've ever raked leaves in your kitchen. 15. Your entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call fromthe Governor to spare a loved one. 16. Your grandmother has ever been asked to leave the bingo hallbecause of her language. 17. Someone more...

There was once an aspiring veterinarian who put himself through veterinary school working nights as a taxidermist.Upon graduation, he decided he could combine his two vocations to better serve the needs of his patients and their owners, while doubling his practice and, therefore, his income.He opened his own offices with a shingle on the door saying, "Dr. Jones, Veterinary Medicine and Taxidermy - Either way, you get your dog back!"

Did you hear about the veterinarian and the taxidermist who went into business together?
Their slogan was, "Either Way, You Get Your Pet Back."

What's the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector?
The taxidermist only takes the skin.

A taxidermist
is on vacation down south. He is feeling
a little thirsty and decides
to have a few drinks at the
nearest tavern. Upon entering the tavern,
the conversation
stops and all eyes turn to him.
Feeling a little uneasy,
he makes his way to the bar to
order a beer. The bartender serves him
and says, "Ya'll
ain't from 'round these parts, is ya?"
Guy: "No...I
am from Connecticut."
Bartender: "What is it you do up there in Connecticut?"
Guy: "Well, I am a taxidermist."
Bartender: "A taxidermist...Hey Al, you ever hear of a taxi-
dermist?"
Al: "No, never heard of it."
Bartender: "So Mr. Taxidermist, what is it you do exactly?"
Guy: "Well, I mount dead animals."
Bartender: "It's OK boys-he's one of us!".