Terminals Jokes / Recent Jokes

In order for UNIX(tm) to survive, it must get rid of
its intimidating commands and outmoded jargon, and become compatible with
the existing standards of our day. To this end, our technicians have come
up with a new version of UNIX, System VI, for use by the PC - that is,
the "Politically Correct."
System VI Release notes
Utilities
"man" pages are now called "person" pages.
Similarly, "hangman" is now the
"person_executed_by_an_oppressive_regime."
To avoid casting aspersions on our feline friends, the "cat" command
is now merely "domestic_quadruped."
To date, there has only been a UNIX command for "yes" - reflecting
the male belief that women always mean yes, even when they say no. To
address this imbalance, System VI adds a "no" command, along with a
"-f[orce]" option which will crash the entire system if the "no" more...

To clean a toilet bowl:
Pour a can of Coca-Cola into the toilet bowl. Let the "real thing" sit for one hour, then brush and flush clean. The citric acid in Coke removes stains from vitreous China.
To remove rust spots from chrome car bumpers:
Rub the bumper with a crumpled-up piece of Reynolds Wrap aluminum foil dipped in Coca-Cola.
To clean corrosion from car battery terminals:
Pour a can of carbonated Coca-Cola over the terminals to bubble away the corrosion.
To loosen a rusted bolt:
Applying a cloth soaked in a carbonated soda to the rusted bolt for several minutes.
To bake a moist ham:
Empty a can of Coca-Cola into the baking pan, wrap the ham in aluminum foil, and bake. Thirty minutes before the ham is finished, remove the foil, allowing the drippings to mix with the Coke for a sumptuous brown gravy.
To remove grease from clothes:
Empty a can of Coke into a load of greasy work clothes, add detergent, and run through a regular more...

1. In many states the highway patrol carries two gallons of Coke in the trunk to remove blood from the highway after a car accident. 2. You can put a T-bone steak in a bowl of Coke and it will be gone in two days. 3. To clean a toilet: Pour a can of Coke into the toilet bowl. Let the "real thing" sit for one hour, then flush clean. 4. The citric acid in Coke removes stains from vitreous china. 5. To remove rust spots from chrome car bumpers: Rub the bumper with a crumpled-up piece of Reynolds Wrap aluminum foil dipped in Coca-Cola. 6. To clean corrosion from car battery terminals: Pour a can of Coca-Cola over the terminals to bubble away the corrosion. 7. To loosen a rusted bolt: Apply a cloth soaked in Coca-Cola to the rusted bolt for several minutes. 8. To bake a moist ham: Empty a can of Coca-Cola into the baking pan; wrap the ham in aluminum foil, and bake. Thirty minutes before the ham is finished, remove the foil, allowing the drippings to mix with the Coke for a more...

w" bar, drinking
Water or Coke "W a t e r
1. 75% of Americans are chronically dehydrated. (Likely applies to half the world population.)
2. In 37% of Americans, the thirst mechanism is so weak that it is often mistaken for hunger.
3. Even MILD dehydration will slow down one's metabolism as much as 3%.
4. One glass of water will shut down midnight hunger pangs for almost 100% of the dieters studied in a U-Washington study.
5. Lack of water, the #1 trigger of daytime fatigue.
6. Preliminary research indicates that 8-10 glasses of water a day could significantly ease back and joint pain for up to 80% of sufferers.
7. A mere 2% drop in body water can trigger fuzzy short-term memory, trouble with basic math, and difficulty focusing on the computer screen or on a printed page.
8. Drinking 5 glasses of water daily decreases the risk of colon cancer by 45%, plus it can slash the risk of breast cancer by 79%, and one is 50% less likely to develop more...

W a t e r

1. 75% of Americans are chronically dehydrated. (Likely applies to half the world population.)

2. In 37% of Americans, the thirst mechanism is so weak that it is often mistaken for hunger.

3. Even MILD dehydration will slow down one's metabolism as much as 3%.

4. One glass of water will shut down midnight hunger pangs for almost 100% of the dieters studied in a U-Washington study.

5. Lack of water, the #1 trigger of daytime fatigue.

6. Preliminary research indicates that 8-10 glasses of water a day could significantly ease back and joint pain for up to 80% of sufferers.

7. A mere 2% drop in body water can trigger fuzzy short-term memory, trouble with basic math, and difficulty focusing on the computer screen or on a printed page.

8. Drinking 5 glasses of water daily decreases the risk of colon cancer by 45%, plus it can slash the risk of breast cancer by 79%, and one is 50% less likely to more...