Theories Jokes

There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

Why Men Always Have Opinions, Even On Subjects They Know Nothing About In the animal kingdom, males
exhibit what is known as "display behavior" in order to attract females and to ward off rival males.
They thrust out their chests, ruffle their plummage, and generally try to appear more impressive than
they really are. On nature shows, this is comic. It appears comic, too, when it shows up among
humans: the guy in the Camaro with all the gold chains, say, or Vanilla Ice's haircut. It has been
discovered that display behavior is much more common among humans than had been previously believed.
Have you ever wondered why:
Men who have never been west of Kentucky can tell you about the mentality of the Japanese?
Men who can't pay their credit-card bills have a plan for dealing with the national debt?
Men who aren't on speaking terms with their families know how to achieve peace in the Middle
East?
Men who flunked high-school more...

From Matt Groening's very funny "Big Book Of Hell", here are some philosophical theories shared by youngsters:
If you eat a bunch of fizzies (i.e. pop-rocks or the like) when you drink a glass of water, you will explode.
Dogs and bees can smell fear.
Nothing's impossible. Not even a little baby counting all the grains of sand in the whole world in a fraction of a second.
If you throw a penny off the top of the Empire State Building, it will go a foot into the sidewalk.
There's a place in France where the ladies wear no pants.
If you cut open a golfball, the radioactive juice inside will blow up.
Rain is just God peeing on you. If you die in your dream, you will die. Adults are really Martians, and they're up to no good.

From Matt Groening's very funny "Big Book Of Hell", here are some philosophical theories shared by youngsters:If you eat a bunch of fizzies (i.e. pop-rocks or the like) when you drink a glass of water, you will explode.Dogs and bees can smell fear.Nothing's impossible. Not even a little baby counting all the grains of sand in the whole world in a fraction of a second.If you throw a penny off the top of the Empire State Building, it will go a foot into the sidewalk.There's a place in France where the ladies wear no pants.If you cut open a golfball, the radioactive juice inside will blow up.Rain is just God peeing on you. If you die in your dream, you will die. Adults are really Martians, and they're up to no good.

There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither one works.