Treating Jokes / Recent Jokes

Norm Peterson's Famous Quotes (from TV's' Cheers')
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' Can I draw you a beer, Norm? '
' No, I know what they look like. Just pour me one.'

' How's a beer sound, Norm?'
' I dunno. I usually finish them before they get a word in.'

' What's shaking, Norm?'
' All four cheeks and a couple of chins.'

' What would you say to a nice beer, Normie?'
' Going Down?'

' What's new, Normie?'
' Terrorists, Sam. They've taken over my stomach and they're
demanding beer.'

' What'll it be, Normie?'
' Just the usual, Coach. I'll have a froth of beer and a snorkel.'

' What would you say to a beer, Normie?'
' Daddy wuvs you.'

' What'd you like, Normie?'
' A reason to live. Give me another beer.'

' What'll you have, Normie?'
' Well, I'm in a gambling mood, Sammy. I'll take a
glass of whatever comes out more...

Woody: “What’s shakin’ mister Peterson? ”
Norm: “All four cheeks and a couple of chins. ”
Woody: “How’s it goin’ Mr. P.? ”
Norm: “It’s a dog-eat-dog world out there and I’m wearin’ Milkbone underwear. ”
Woody: “Can I draw you a beer Mr. P.? ”
Norm: “I know what they look like, just give me one. ”
Woody: “What’s goin’ down Mr. P.? ”
Norm: “My butt on that stool. ”
Norm: “I’m the ideal weight for someone 10 feet tall. ”
Coach: Can I draw you a beer, Norm?
Norm: No, I know what they look like. Just pour me one.
Coach: How about a beer, Norm?
Norm: Hey I’m high on life, Coach…. Of course, beer is my life.
Coach: How’s a beer sound, Norm?
Norm: I dunno. I usually finish them before they get a word in.
Coach: What’s up, Norm?
Norm: Corners of my mouth, Coach.
Coach: Normie, Normie, could this be Vera?
Norm: With a lot of expensive surgery, more...

Top 10 Reasons Trick or Treating's Better Than Sex
10. Guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
9. If you get tired, wait 10 mins. & go at it again.
8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
7. You don't have to compliment the person who gave u candy.
6. Person giving you candy doesn't fantasize you're someone else.
5. If you get a stomach ache, it won't last 9 months.
4. If you wear your Batman mask, no-one thinks you're kinky.
3. Doesn't matter if kids hear u moaning & groaning.
2. Less guilt the next morning.
and the #1 reason trick or treating's better than sex...
1. If you don't get what you want, you can always go next door!

TOP TEN REASONS WHY TRICK OR TREATING IS BETTER THAN SEX
10 You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
9 If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go at it again.
8 The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
7 You don't have to compliment the person who gives you some.
6 It's ok when the person you're with fantasizes you're
someone else, because you are.
5 Forty years from now you'll still enjoy candy.
4 If you don't like what you get, you can always go next door.
3 It doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning and groaning.
2 Less guilt the morning after.
1 YOU CAN DO THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD.

A ventriloquist cowboy walks into town and sees an Indian sitting near his pad.
Cowboy: Hey, cool dog. Mind if I speak to him?
Indian: Dog no talk.
Cowboy: Hey dog, how's it going?
Dog: Doin' all right.
Indian: [Extreme look of shock]
Cowboy: Is this your owner? [pointing at Indian]
Dog: Yep
Cowboy: How's he treating you?
Dog: Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play.
Indian: [look of disbelief]
Cowboy: Mind if I talk to your horse?
Indian: Horse no talk.
Cowboy: Hey horse, how's it going?
Horse: Cool.
Indian: [extreme look of shock]
Cowboy: Is this your owner? [pointing at Indian]
Horse: Yep
Cowboy: How's he treating you?
Horse: Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often, and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements.
Indian: [total look of amazement]
Cowboy: Mind if I talk to more...