Tunnel Jokes / Recent Jokes

There was an Irishman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting together in a carriage in a train going through Tasmania.

Suddenly the train went through a tunnel, and as it was an old style train, there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark.

Then there was this kissing noise and the sound of a loud slap.
When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and the Irishman were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Englishman had his hand against his face as he had been slapped there.

The Englishman was thinking, `The Irish fella must have kissed Claudia Schiffer and she missed him and slapped me instead.`

Claudia Schiffer was thinking, `The Englishman must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Irishman and got slapped for it.`

And the Irishman was thinking, `This is great. The next time the train goes through a tunnel, I`ll make another kissing noise and slap that English bastard more...

Two Polish guys were taking their first trip to Warsaw on the train. A vendor came down the corridor selling bananas, which they'd never seen before. Each bought one.The first one eagerly peeled the banana and bit into it just as the train went into a tunnel. When the train emerged from the tunnel, he looked across to his friend and said, "I wouldn't eat that if I were you.""Why not?" "I took one bite and went blind for half a minute!"
There were three guys walking together, a Newfie, a Quebecer, and a Vancouver guy. They came across a lantern and a genie popped out."I will give you each one wish; that's three wishes in total!" The Newfie said, "I am a fisherman, my dad's a fisherman, and his dad was a fisherman, and my son will be one too. I want all the oceans full of fish". Poof! The oceans were full of fish.The Quebecer was amazed! He said, "I want a wall around Quebec, so nothing will get in!" Poof! There was a wall more...

Two Polish guys were taking their first train trip to Warsaw on the train. A vendor came down the corridor selling bananas which they'd never seen before. Each bought one. The first one eagerly peeled the banana and bit into it just as the train went into a tunnel. When the train emerged from the tunnel, he looked across to his friend and said, "I wouldn't eat that if I were you." "Why not?" "I took one bite and went blind for half a minute."

Hangover: The wrath of grapes. Income Tax: Capital punishment. A used car is not always what it's jacked up to be. Two silkworms were in a race. They ended up in a tie. To my sweetheart: My cooking's gotten better since I fondue. A robber broke into the police station and stole all the toilet seats, and the police didn't have anything to go on. Middle Age: When actions creak louder than words. Egotist: One who is me-deep in conversation. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's Novocain during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication. Did you hear about the woman who started dating rakes and fell on hard tines? Why won't melons elope in Las Vegas? They cantaloupe. Q: What do Christmas and a crab on the beach have in common? A: They both involve sandy claws. Archeologist: A man whose career lies in ruins. Kleptomaniac: One who can't help himself from helping himself. Did you hear about the snake who gave birth to a bouncing baby boa? Once I got angry more...

An Englishman and a Frenchman are discussing the Channel Tunnel.
The Frenchman is saying how wonderful it is that this
co-operative venture is taking place, and that he never expected
the English to go to such trouble to be united to the mainland of
Europe.
"Oh that's nothing," says the Englishman, "You should have seen
the trouble we had digging the Channel in the first place!"

A swedish truck driver once got stuck in a tunnel in Norway. Soon a norwegian came by the tunnel and found out that the truck was wedged in with the load stuck against the ceiling. The norwegian suggested that the swede let the air out of the tires. The swede looked angrily at him, "You moron! The truck is stuck up on top."

110
The largest bay in the world is Hudson Bay, Canada
111
The largest church in the world is Bascilica of St.Peter, Vatican City, Rome
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The largest peninsula in the world is Arabia
113
The largest gulf in the world is Gulf of Mexico
114
The tallest statue in the world is the Motherland, Volgograd, Russia
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The largest railway tunnel in the world is the Oshimzu Tunnel, Japan
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The world's loneliest island is the Tristan da Cunha
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The word 'Quiz' was coined by Jim Daly, Irishman
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The original meaning of 'Quiz' was Trick
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The busiest shopping centre of London is Oxford Street
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The residence of the Queen in London is Buckingham Palace
121
Adolf Hitler was born in Austria
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The country whose National Anthem has only music but no words is Bahrain
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The largest cinema in the world is the Fox Theatre, Detroit, USA
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The country where there are no cinema more...