Understanding Jokes / Recent Jokes

In a speech to a gathering of mathematics professors from throughout the United States, George W. Bush warned the academics not to misuse their position to force their often extremist political views on young Americans. "It is my understanding", the president said, "that you are frequently teaching algebra classes in which your students learn how to solve equations with the help of radicals. I can't say that I approve of that..."

New College Courses for Men as Prepared by Women
1... Combating Stupidity
2... You, Too, Can Do Housework
3... PMS: Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut
4... How to Fill an Ice Tray
5... We Do Not Want Sleazy Underthings for Christmas: Give us Money
6... Understanding the Female Response to Your Coming in Drunk at 4: 00am
7... Wonderful Laundry Techniques (formerly titled "Don't Wash my Silks")
8... Parenting: No, It Doesn't End With Conception
9... Get a Life: Learn to Cook
10... How Not to Act Like an Asshole When You're Obviously Wrong
11... Spelling: Even You Can Get it Right
12... Understanding Your Financial Incompetence
13... You: The Weaker Sex
14... Reasons to Give Flowers
15. How to Stay Awake After Sex

IN his introduction to Fabulous Oriental Recipes, Johna Blinn lists the following:' Happy Home Recipe'
4 cups Love
2 cups Loyalty
5 quarts Faith
2 tablespoons Tenderness 1 cup Kindness
5 cups Understanding
3 cups Forgiveness 1 cup Friendship
5 teaspoons Hope
1 barrel Laughter
Take Love and Loyalty; mix thoroughly with Faith. Blend with Tenderness, Kindness, Understanding and Forgiveness. Add Friendship and Hope; Sprinkle abundantly with Laughter. Bake with Sunshine. Serve with generous helpings.

Once again, the female staff at Whatsamatta University will be offering courses for men of all marital status in an attempt to help males and females understand each other better. Attendance in at least 10 of the following is required. 1. Combatting Stupidity2. You Too Can Do Housework3. Resistance to Beer4. How To Properly Fill An Ice Tray5. We Do Not Want Sleazy Underwear For Christmas (Give Us Credit Cards)6. Understanding The Female Response To Coming Home Drunk At 4: 00am7. Wonderful Laundry Techniques (also called "Don't Wash My Silks")9. Get A Life - Learn To Cook10. How Not To Act Like An Idiot When You Are Obviously Wrong11. Spelling - Even You Can Get It Right12. Understanding Your Financial Incompetence13. You, The Weaker Sex14. Reasons To Give Flowers15. Garbage - Getting It To The Curb16. You Cannot Always Wear Whatever You Please17. How To Put Down A Toilet Seat18. Give Me A Break - Why We Know Your Excuses Are Lies19. How To Go Shopping With Your Mate Without more...

Japan launched a satellite to explore the sun.
I'm no astronomer, but it was always my understanding that the sun was kind of hot, which would make it difficult to explore.
(Though Japan is smarter than I am, and of course, I was also mistaken in my understanding that we had nine planets, which I knew because "My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nine Pickles," and now I find out she's only serving Dwarf Pickles.)

In any event, this solar mission is apparently necessarily because flares keep disrupting satellites.
So they sent a satellite to check it out.

So maybe there will be TWO big astro-news stories this year:
Pluto no longer a planet!
Sun no longer hot!
Also, this joke no longer funny!
(Yeah, go meta, that will fix it. What is this, meta-meta? No better. Meta-better? Hot. Like the sun used to be. Boom. The sound of our universe collapsing. Or at least the logic of this stream of consciousness. I should have tried a stream more...

Once again, the female staff at Whatsamatta University will be offering courses for men of all marital status in an attempt to help males and females understand each other better. Attendance in at least 10 of the following is required.
1. Combatting Stupidity
2. You Too Can Do Housework
3. Resistance to Beer
4. How To Properly Fill An Ice Tray
5. We Do Not Want Sleazy Underwear For Christmas (Give Us Credit Cards)
6. Understanding The Female Response To Coming Home Drunk At 4: 00am
7. Wonderful Laundry Techniques (also called “Don’t Wash My Silks”)
9. Get A Life - Learn To Cook
10. How Not To Act Like An Idiot When You Are Obviously Wrong
11. Spelling - Even You Can Get It Right
12. Understanding Your Financial Incompetence
13. You, The Weaker Sex
14. Reasons To Give Flowers
15. Garbage - Getting It To The Curb
16. You Cannot Always Wear Whatever You Please
17. How To Put Down A Toilet Seat
18. more...

Understanding Your PaycheckGROSS PAY: $1222.02INCOME TAX OUTGO TAX STATE TAX INTERSTATE TAX COUNTY TAX 244.40 45.21 61.10 5.89 6.11CITY TAX RURAL TAX BACK TAX FRONT TAX SIDE TAX 12.22 4.44 1.11 1.16 1.61UP TAX DOWN TAX KNICKNACK TAX HACKENSAC TAX THUMBTAX 2.22 1.11 1.98 3.93 0.98CARPET TAX SNACK TAX SURTAX MA'AM TAX PARKING FEE 0.69 8.32 3.46 3.46 5.00NO PARKING FEE F.I.C.A. T.G.I.F. LIFE INS. HEALTH INS. 10.00 81.88 9.95 5.85 16.23DISABILITY INS. ABILITY INS. LIABILITY INS. DENTAL INS. MENTAL INS. 2.50 0.25 3.41 4.50 4.33FUNDAMENTAL INS COFFEE COFEE CUPS CALENDAR RENTAL FLOOR RENTAL 0.11 6.85 66.51 3.06 16.85CHAIR RENTAL DESK RENTAL UNION DUES UNION DON'TS CASH ADVANCES 4.32 4.32 5.85 3.77 0.69CASH RETREATS OVERTIME UNDERTIME EASTERN TIME CENTRAL TIME 121.35 1.26 54.83 9.00 8.00MOUNTAIN TIME PACIFIC TIME DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME TIME OUT 7.00 6.00 4.44 12.21OXYGEN WATER ELECTRICITY HEAT AIR CONDITIONING 10.02 16.54 38.23 51.42 46.83MISC169.24TAKE HOME PAY: $0000.02