Understanding Jokes / Recent Jokes

Saying "Make it so" in casual conversation.
Indignation because the periodic table doesn't include dilithium and tritanium.
Ability to use "variable phase inverter" in a sentence without excessive thought first.
More than one pair of Spock ears on junk drawer.
Have figured out the stardate system.
Sudden urge to wear lots of Lycra.
Scanning shelves at local liquor store for synthehol.
The Star Trek theme becomes background music for your dreams.
Major quote sources for thesis are Shakespeare, the Bible, and "The Omega Glory."
Memorization of the crew's authorization codes.
Forgetting that present-day elevators don't have voice interface.
Attending a convention wearing non-Terran vestments.
Actual serious thoughts about buying that $300 model of the Enterprise from the Franklin Mint.
Understanding Klingon.
Lecturing a science professor on how transporters work.
Playing fizzbin and understanding more...

Once again, the female staff at Whatsamatta University will be offering courses for men of all marital status in an attempt to help males and females understand each other better. Attendance in at least 10 of the following is required.
1. Combatting Stupidity
2. You Too Can Do Housework
3. PMS - Learn When To Keep Your Mouth Shut
4. How To Properly Fill An Ice Tray
5. We Do Not Want Sleazy Underwear For Christmas (Just Give Us Credit Cards)
6. Understanding The Female Response To Coming Home Drunk At 4: 00am
7. Wonderful Laundry Techniques (formerly called “Don’t Wash My Silks”)
8. Parenting Roles Beyond Initial Conception
9. Get A Life - Learn To Cook
10. How Not To Act Like An Asshole When You Are Obviously Wrong
11. Spelling - Even You Can Get It Right
12. Understanding Your Financial Incompetence
13. You, The Weaker Sex
14. Reasons To Give Flowers
15. How To Stay Awake After Sex
16. Why It Is more...

A new two year degree is being offered at Life University...Becoming a Real Man! That's right, in just six terms, you too can be a real man.Please take a moment to look over the program outline:FIRST YEARAutumn ScheduleMEN 101...Combating StupidityMEN 102...You too can do houseworkMEN 103...PMS - Learn when to keep your mouth shutMEN 104...We do not want sleazy underthings for ChristmasWinter ScheduleMEN 110...Wonderful Laundry TechniquesMEN 111...Understanding the female responses to getting in at 4 a.m.MEN 112...Parenting: It doesn't end with conceptionMEN 113...Get a life, learn to cookSpring ScheduleMEN 120...How NOT to act like an asshole when you're wrongMEN 121...Understanding your incompetenceMEN 122...You, the weaker sexMEN 123...Reasons to give flowersSECOND YEARAutumn ScheduleSEX 101...You CAN fall asleep without itSEX 102...Morning Dilemma: If it's awake, take a showerMEN 201...How to stay awake after sexMEN 202...How to put the toilet seat downWinter ScheduleMEN 210...The more...

New College Courses for Men as Prepared by Women: 1... Combating Stupidity2... You, Too, Can Do Housework3... PMS: Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut4... How to Fill an Ice Tray5... We Do Not Want Sleazy Underthings for Christmas: Give us Money6... Understanding the Female Response to Your Coming in Drunk at 4: 00am7... Wonderful Laundry Techniques (formerly titled "Don't Wash my Silks")8... Parenting: No, It Doesn't End With Conception9... Get a Life: Learn to Cook10... How Not to Act Like an Asshole When You're Obviously Wrong11... Spelling: Even You Can Get it Right12... Understanding Your Financial Incompetence13... You: The Weaker Sex14... Reasons to Give Flowers15. How to Stay Awake After Sex16... Why it is Unacceptable to Relieve Yourself Anywhere but the Bathroom17... Garbage: Getting it to the Curb18... You Can Fall Asleep Without IT if You Really Try19... The Morning Dilemma if IT's awake: Take a Shower20... I'll Wear it if I Damn Well Please21... How to Put the more...

Special High Intensity Training - S. H. I. T.

MEMORANDUM

TO: All Employees
FROM: Communications Services
SUBJECT: SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING

In order to assure that we continue to produce the highest quality work possible, it will be our policy to keep all employees well-trained though our Special High Intensity Training (S. H. I. T.). We are giving our employees more S. H. I. T. than any other office in town.

If you feel you do not receive your share of S. H. I. T. on the job, please see your supervisor. You will be placed at the top of the S. H. I. T. list for special attention.

All of our supervisors are particularly qualified to see that you get all the S. H. I. T. you can handle at your own speed.

If you think that you have a thorough understanding of the basic S. H. I. T. program, you may wish to participate in Management Of Related Education (M. O. R. E. S. H. I. T.).

If you consider more...

Technical talk is often difficult to understand by people not initiated in the technical arts. Listed below are some terms that are used commonly by technicians, and an explanation of what they actually mean:

STUFFED. ..
A description of an item of equipment indicating that it does not work quite as well as when it was new. This situation is not expected to change in the near future.

FUCKED. ..
Terminally stuffed.

FUCK ME DEAD. ..
A technical expression meaning that after you have totally stripped an assembly you didn't really need to, you have read the manual to discover a major warning in bold type saying never to touch that part under any circumstances whatsoever, as it requires factory (overseas) realignment.

FUCK IT ALL. ..
An expression that follows the tinging sound of a miniature spring or circlip bouncing off something on the other side of the room. Unfortunately, you didn't see where it came from, where it went more...

That's right, in just six trimesters, you, too, can be a real man - as
well as earn an MA degree (Male Arts).
Please take a moment to look over the program outline.
FIRST YEAR
Autumn Schedule:
MEN 101 Combating Stupidity
MEN 102 You, Too, Can Do Housework
MEN 103 PMS-Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut
MEN 104 We Do Not Want Sleazy Underthings for Christmas
Winter Schedule:
MEN 110 Wonderful Laundry Techniques
MEN 111 Understanding the Female Response to Getting in at 4 a.m.
MEN 112 Parenting: It Doesn't End with Conception
EAT 100 Get a Life, Learn to Cook
EAT 101 Get a Life, Learn to Cook II
ECON 001A What's Hers is Hers
Spring Schedule:
MEN 120 How NOT to Act Like a Buttface When You're Wrong
MEN 121 Understanding Your Incompetence
MEN 122 YOU: the Weaker Sex
ECON 001B What Was Yours is Hers
SECOND YEAR
Autumn Schedule:
SEX 101 You CAN Fall Asleep without It
SEX 102 Morning Dilemma: If more...