Waiter And Waitress Jokes

Three couples are dining together.
The American husband says to his wife: "Pass me the honey, Honey".
The English husband says to his wife: "Pass me the sugar, Sugar".
The [you name it] husband says to his wife: "Pass me the steak, Dumb cow".

Two men were in a restaurant and ordered fish.

The waiter brought a dish with two fish, one larger than the other. One of the men said to the other, "Please help yourself."

The other one said "Okay", and helped himself to the larger fish.

After a tense silence, the first one said, "really, now, if you had offered me the first choice, I would have taken the smaller fish!"

The other one replied, "What are you complaining for; you have it, don't you?"

Raymod Smullyan, "What Is the Name of This Book?"

Two attorneys went into a diner and ordered two drinks. Then they produced sandwiches from their briefcases and started to eat.

The waiter became quite concerned and marched over and told them, "You can't eat your own sandwiches in here!"

The attorneys looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders and then exchanged sandwiches.

"What flavors of ice cream do you have?" inquired the customer.

"Vanilla, strawberry, and chocolate," answered the new waitress in a hoarse whisper.

Trying to be sympathetic, the customer asked, "Do you have laryngitis?"

"No...." replied the new waitress with some effort, "just... erm.... vanilla, strawberry, and chocolate."

Customer: Give me a hot dog.

Waiter: With pleasure.

Customer: No, with mustard.